#Kun Plays Pokemon Crystal

Derail the engine car. It's the only way to save everyone.

Well, this guy's asking you to do a job, so clearly he has to have a hat! ....but he already has one. You decide to stealthily place a second, smugger, hat onto his hat. You spend about 5 minutes sneaking over and placing the hat, then do a smug dance since this game has good enough physics that you can place a hat.

(Hats in inventory reduced to 4,999)

You waste some of the time listening to Hey, this smug dancing thing is kinda fun! You invite the bird (now with two hats) to join in, and he starts to, only to be distracted by an explosion outside near the train.

???: "Ye PECKNECK! Don't ye know how ta stop an explodin' train?!"

No, no you don't. You don't have train advice, you're ten. That being said, given that the train is exploding, you should probably do something about that if you don't wanna, y'know, die. You agree to help the strange yelling bird, and he hands you a grappling hook.

???: "T-"

Not wanting to get called a "peckneck", whatever that means, again, you grappling hook away before he even starts his sentence, ignoring the yelling after you. Now, how to stop this train.... MYURDER seems like a good idea!

Not of the train, of course. Of the guys demolishing it. You just wanted to make that clear to our viewing audience. I mean, you could derail the engine car, but it's all the way up thereeeeee.....

You start hookshotting to the front of the train, only to be stopped by two fellow robots. Huh, they're wearing graduation gowns but fancier. Could they be.... robots with a master's degree? That is to say, Robot Masters?





So, how are you going to do this?

Trick Crash Man into shooting a bomb at Commando Man, then throw him at Bomb Man to detonate all the bombs in one big fiery explosion.

Nickname all your Pokemon various misspellings of Hatsune Miku. Then attack THROUGH the portal and then walk out through the rubble and debris in slow-motion while epic music plays.

Hotdog Mike.

Also, guys, pls don't use living creatures to soak up tea stains...without throwing some curry into the mix! Might as well make it a full meal, right?

Well, before you return to battle, you've gotta go through the all-important process of nicknaming your Pokemon! Honestly, you're not sure why you didn't do this earlier... Might've had something to do with not sleeping well before you started your journey. You had this weird dream, where you almost choked on a coin in your sleep and pulled a worm out of your foot. It was honestly really surreal, but brains do that when they're resting, even mechanical ones like yours. Even so... It was kind of upsetting, and thinking about it makes you shiver still.

...You quickly turn your mind away from that line of thinking. You can't get cold feet now, not from a dream, and most certainly not when you're about to kickflip into battle after nicknaming your Pokemon! Let's see here.... well, you've gotta have thematic names, and.... hm. You're not really sure what theme to have! Maybe.... Hatsune Miku? But...hm. Only Hatsune Miku can be Hatsune Miku, so unless your Pokemon are all mimics, you cannot do that! Unless... (Unless?)



That works.

Now that that's settled, you should get back to the battle. But wait! Elluka's still scared of the Norowara you caught for her! She probably won't want to nickname it until it's less scary in her perception. How to do that... Well, maybe if Norowara drank tea, then she'd be less afraid of it? Stuck on this idea, you shove the Norowara's face into both the teacup, and a plate of curry. ....nothing happened, except Norowara's face is messy now.

All that's left now is to get back to the battle: You send out Hotdog Mike, who shoots an explosion through the portal, bonking Chikorita on the head and knocking it out. You and Hotdog Mike kickflip through the portal, landing in dramatic anime protag stances.

You have gained one level in Coolness!
Hotdog Mike has leveled up!
Hamlet Michelle has retroactively leveled up!

Vinny curses you under his breath and sends out what you can only presume is that pokemon from the mystery pokeball.



Sooooo...what are you gonna do, my dude(s)?

Seconded, but realize too late you thought it would be super-effective when in reality it was SOUP ERR AFFECT EVE. The day before the worldwide holiday Soup Err Affect, where everyone celebrates the age-old trendiness of wearing messed-up soup recipes as trendy affectations! AND YOU FORGOT TO BUY PRESENTS!!!

Best to end this as quickly as possible. That looks to be water type, so you'd best send out- ....wait. You don't have a grass type. Dangnabit. Well... guess you'll have Hamlet Michelle improvise then. Water against what you can only assume to be water will only lead to a flood, so...

Hm. Wait a second. You can't look cool beating your rival if you don't have a cool outfit. And you think you know just the place to get one. You order Hotdog Mike and Hamlet Michelle to distract Vinny and his Pokemon while you run off, leaving a curry double in your place. Time to roll.

....

....

....

Dang this place is bigger than you thou-- Briiing! Briiing! Oh come on. How did Vinny get your Pokegear number?! You pick up.

Vinny: "Is this a forfeit then?"

You'll be a bit, but no. You're buying clothes.

Vinny: "Whatever. Just hurry up."

You can't find them.

Vinny: "At risk of giving myself a migraine, why can't you find them?"

Well... there's only soup. All you can find is soup.

Vinny: "Get out of the soup aisle, buy your ridiculous-looking clothes, and get over here so I can beat up your pokemon already."

You go to the next aisle. .....there's more soup.

Vinny: "What do you MEAN there's more soup?! Go to the next one!"

You do so. There's yet more soup.

Vinny: "This is ridiculous, just ask someone where it is. Where ARE you right now?!"

You're at soup!

Vinny: "What do you mean you're 'at soup'?"

You mean you're at soup!

Vinny: "What store are you in?!?!?!"

You're at the soup store!

Vinny: "WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE?!"

You yell "HECK YOU" at Vinny, and then promptly hang up the pokegear. Guess you'll just have to have those homemade handheld stilts made from soup cans. Your amazing outfit can wait, you suppose.

You clonk back to the battle on your soup cans, standing about 6 inches taller than you did before, and recall Hotdog Mike and Hamlet Michelle, opting to instead send out Hatstand Mikan, who flutters up, clawing at Kurusu and scoring a critical hit! Hell yeah you're feeling lucky! ...you just hope it doesn't come back to bite you when you're trying to catch something... Kurusu retaliates with a Water Gun (Hatstand Mikan 16/20), but Hatstand Mikan manages to faint it before any more damage can be done.

Vinny: "Hmph. Are you happy you won? .....I'm going to be the world's greatest Pokemon trainer."

Good for him. Where were you again? Taking the egg to Professor Elm, right?

....oh yeah, a white and purple Lucario baps Vinny with a newspaper as he leaves. It's not very effective!

Kick the stratosphere into the egg and make it light enough to use to float over to the lab. That's how physics works, right?

Well, you've gotta get that egg to the lab SOMEHOW. Unfortunately. You wonder why Professor Elm can't do his own chores, but at least you got a chance to beat up Vinny for your troubles. Still... You're not gonna go to the trouble of carrying the egg inside if Elm is going to be like that. Honestly with how robots in general are treated, the whole "Elm trying to get you to do his chores seems like some kind of sick joke. And...you know? Not everything has to be a joke. Sometimes you just be honest about your feelings and that’s how you see yourself, you know? You may not be the most threatening- or organic- silhouette, but you like to think of yourself as somebody who can stand up for- You know, it doesn’t always have to be beep boop 0 to 100 robot revolution over here, okay? You're travelling around with the disaster squad, and you never get to just say what you're feeling. You have emotions! It’s not all curry everywhere and what have you. You have a beating heart! You're multidimensional! You're a fully realized creation! PECK!

.....Your tirade stuns Elluka and Cut Man, who were having an argument about authorial intent in Jules Verne's novels and whether his narration really had to be that descriptive, into silence.

Elluka: "....is 'peck' a swear word I'm unaware of?"

Well the angry bird guy said it, so you assume so. But that isn't the point! The point is that Elm probably thinks this is some kind of game! And you need to show him that this is not a game to you!

...You get so angry that you kick the egg to prove your point, and it flies into the stratosphere.

Elluka: "...let me fix that, okay?" She winds up her foot, and kicks the stratosphere into the egg. ....which just makes it float gently further away, over the lab and out of sight. Gods damn it.

---

The egg floats far, far across the world, even through a wormhole into an open window, whacking into some robed guy in white telling off a duck. He faints, allowing the stratosphere and egg to continue, through another one. It passes through a hot summer day, rich with haze and panic, before floating through yet another wormhole into a courthouse, the judge and lawyers gone. Is it lost, or is it merely in the same place in another dimension? It does not know. If the egg could think, surely it would be panicking now. But it cannot, and all too soon it is returned to from whence it came, the stratosphere refusing to bend for these wormholes any longer.

---

Cut Man narrowly dodges impaling the egg on his head scissors, catching it deftly and quickly to avoid it breaking, and it rolls into Professor Elm's lab without further comment.

As you enter, Elm looks distraught.

Elm: "Those stolen Pokemon... I wonder how they're doing..."

A policeman brushes past you on your way in.

Elm: "The culprit was a young man with red hair, from what I could tell... Oh, this is just terrible..."

You don't even know how to respond to this, given that on one hand, you know who did it and you jump at any chance to implicate Vinny in wrongdoing, but on the other hand, you having two starter pokemon would implicate you as an accomplice. Which you are, technically. You just decide to show Professor Elm the egg, hoping it'll take his mind off it."

Elm: "This was Mr. Pokemon's big discovery? A Pokemon Egg? If that's what it is, this is an amazing discovery!" Before you can even catch your nonexistent breath, Elm spots the Pokedex. "And Professor Oak gave you a Pokedex?! Wow.... Ozzy, you may have what it takes to become the champion. You should go take on the gym challenge- the nearest one is in Violet City. I'll let you know if I find anything out about that egg!"

Well, you were already were thinking about doing that, sooo.... Where are ya gonna start?

Odds are that policeman's gonna ask if you saw that Vinny guy and what his name is. Tell him that you did, in fact, catch a glimpse of him earlier, and that his name is Fartface Ritchie Binyot.