#Kun Plays Pokemon Crystal

Your name is Tressa, and you look like this. cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/176082951694581760/468516504552341504/TressaIsThisFreeMoney.jpg

Your name is Eman Ruoy, though most people spell and pronounce your last name as 'Roy'. Your rival, on the other hand, is named ???. You don't know why his parents named him that, but he did tell you as much when you bumped into him about 15-20 posts from now.

You decide that you look like the Merchant, but then promptly realize you're not in Kanto, so you unfortunately cannot have a starter that is the mix between a Bulbasaur and a Charmander, despite the Merchant being on top of those two simultaneously, unless someone suggests it. Besides, Kanto's got its own problems. Like the CYOA that focuses on it never updating. Far be it from you to step on the toes of a story already so mired in hiatuses when you're trying to keep yours going at a reasonable pace.

Anyways, your name is Steven 'Ozzy' Eman W.G.a.C. Tressa Ruoy, and that red-haired edgy guy staring through the window at you for no reason whatsoever.... Well, if his conveniently placed nametag is anything to go by, his name is Vinny ??? Stephen Edmund of Gloucester. You aren't sure where Gloucester is, or what that means that he's "of Gloucester", but that's apparently his name. Also, you got your gender in a loading zone along with some free money, and you're not entirely sure what your gender is, so you're just gonna say your gender is free money. Better than the gender that Vinny gave you. You honestly wouldn't have recognized him if he wasn't wearing that nametag, he hit his growth spurt and started saying stuff like "a whole tribe of fops", but you're tired of being used for his edgy comedic jokes! Someday you'll show them, you'll show them all! You'll--

"Steven, it's time to get up!"

Oh. It's your adopted mom yelling from downstairs. You blink awake, silently wondering at the weird dream you had, and look around your room. Your mom's downstairs, likely cooking breakfast, if the smell's anything to go by, but odds are it won't be ready for a little bit. In your room is your hammock (of course, where else would you sleep?), your joint-stool (adequately labeled "Totally 100% Goneril" with a sticky note), your bookshelf, which is full of everything from the Warriors books you've had since you were little to the latest volume of Helvetica Standard to your mom's Shakespeare collection to the graphic novel of V for Vendetta, your lamp, which is far fancier than you give it credit for, and some posters stuck to the wall. Said posters consist of the alphabet on butterfly wings, a picture of Totoro in the winter, and a really cool looking poster of the main cast of Persona 5. You've also got your closet, which you mostly use for storage, so there's some cool things in there. There's a lot of things in the closet, but you certainly aren't one of them.

You could look around, or go downstairs and actually eat food for once in your life. What shall you do?

Take the Persona 5 poster off the wall and check to see if anything's on the back before rolling it up and putting it in your pocket. Taking it down will be an excellent reminder to put it back up with that Nier Automata poster you keep meaning to buy.

Be a thing in the closet.

Retrieve arms from chest.

Pretend to be a haunted book and give the neighbors a spook.

You pretend to be a haunted book to give the neighbors a good spook, but realize, belatedly, that while you can move pages and whatnot, you can't actually move your physical form while in a book. This doesn't seem to stop you, however, as through THE POWER OF BELIEF, you flip the pages of "How to Possess Books" so loudly that your neighbors hear the mysterious page-flipping noises and are, indeed, spooked. You hear a high-pitched shriek come from the room next door and feel smug satisfaction. That'll show them!

Hmm...what's next...? Oh, right! You've got to retrieve your arms from the chest they're in! You quickly look in Appendix B of "How to Possess Books", which details how to stop possessing a book, and proceed to return to your normal physical form, rushing over to a chest to retrieve your arms.

...By "arms", of course, you mean spring-loaded boxing gloves. I mean, who wouldn't want two of these! You can punch people with STYLE! Although... Carrying these around by themselves would be quite suspicious, wouldn't it? People would completely expect you to punch them at any moment! No, what you need is something to carry so you look inconspicuous. You look around your room for anything that might help you, and then.... Aha!

You're not entirely sure where this copy of "King Lear" came from, or why you have it when you have a much less fancy, paperback version already, but surely no one could suspect someone toting around such a fancy book! Plus, if you need to possess a book later, you've got one already on hand. You grab the book, and, not wanting to keep your mom waiting any longer, head downstairs.

Yep, your mom's making Earthy Curry. Smells great, and, while it's only slightly better than Shrimp on Toast, it's definitely your favorite meal. You fill your pockets with it for later, all the while avoiding eye contact with your mother. Parents never understand. Never. ....Oh wait, filling your pockets with curry isn't inconspicuous, is it? Drat. At least only your mom saw you do it.

What shall you do?

Barrel roll outside and directly into Route 27. We're gonna swim to Kanto and boxing-glove our way to Championship!

You barrel roll in place for 30 minutes while trying to remember the way to Route 27, but before you can be off, your mom interrupts you.

"Steven, I know you're busy with….whatever this is, but Professor Elm- you know, our neighbor?- had something to ask you and it seemed urgent." She bites her lip and scans her eyes across the table, as if looking for her next sentence, then, seeing a package on the table, seems to remember. "I almost forgot! Your Pokegear came in from the repair shop today too." She hands the package to you and you open it, revealing your POKEGEAR! (Now with 50% less glitter stuck under the screen) You hold it above your head triumphantly as your mom says something about setting the day of the week and asks you if you know how to use the phone, but of course you know how to do these things! What does she think you are, a teacup? You interrupt her lecture by opening your phone and calling a random number.

"Hello, this is Youngster Joey speaking! My Rattata is in the top percentage, so if you'd like a battle, you'll have to watch out!"

You ask him if his refrigerator is running.

"Yeah."

You tell him that he'd better go catch it, and as he yells into the receiver on his end in annoyance, you hang up, and barrel roll out the window directly into the water that, if you guess is correct, leads to Route 27 and therefore Kanto. You're going to speedrun this thing using your awesome spring-loaded boxing gloves or die tryi- Wait. No, it can't be! Your boxing gloves….got WET! Wet vinyl smells awful and you can't punch anyone if your boxing gloves are weighed down by all this heavy water! You frantically swim back to shore and try to squeeze out your boxing gloves, frantically asking for the help of a young woman, who seems indifferent to your plight, yet comments on something very different.

"Wow, your Pokegear is impressive!"

Irritated that she would be focusing on your Pokegear (which, by the way, is waterproof yet not glitterproof) rather than the OBVIOUS ISSUE of your wet boxing gloves, you T-pose at her to establish dominance, promptly causing her to pass out, dropping one Odd Stare (use to unnerve people or question their life decisions). You notice Vinny staring weirdly into Professor Elm's lab, and so walk up to him, tap him on the shoulder, and use your Odd Stare while T-posing and mentioning that cry him mercy, you took him for a joint-stool. He shrieks like a frightened lost child and shoves you away, and you land on the ground nearby the Elm Pokemon Lab. Looking around, there's another random person who didn't faint from your T-pose, as well as two other houses that you could explore. Or, you know, you could actually advance the plot.

What will you do?

If there are, burst into each house as you say 'Yo yo yo YO, what is UP my bros!' while audience applause greets you into their homes.

Also do this if there aren't.

Plot advancement right away is for suckers, you decide. Time to interrupt some touching family moments! You walk over to one of the houses, where it sounds like two people are singing a duet or something, and burst in, yelling "Yo yo yo YO, what is UP my bros! Or, shall I say, my primo cannolis?" You're greeted with silence, and you realize that you seem to have interrupted some sort of teenagers being overdramatic nerds party. The two teenagers who were singing the duet and slow dancing just look at you, confusedly, and one of them- the one with her hair pulled back in a bun- says

"We are not your 'primo cannolis'. Whatever the hell that means."

The other one, with his hair pulled back in a short ponytail, adds

"We're literally just trying to act out a song! Can you maybe not interrupt?"

You question why two identical twins are slow dancing to a song that for all you can figure out is about seasons, birds, and death, and the one with her hair pulled back in a bun rolls her eyes.

"Vocal ranges, duh. Ours are the ones that work best together for this song. If you're not going to do anything helpful like special effects, could you kindly leave?"

You open your mouth to argue, but decide that maybe if this house won't cater to your brilliant idea of interrupting a sitcom, perhaps the other will. You exit the house back into New Bark Town, and stride over to the other house, ready to make your sitcom debut.

You fling open the door, yell the same thing you yelled earlier, and realize that this family seems to have moved here recently. One of them, you would assume the father, has a head kind of shaped like an upside down squash, with black hair, black eyes, glasses, a mustache, an abnormally wide chin, and most strikingly, Darth Vader's clothes sans the mask. What you can assume to be the son of the family, with the same black hair and weird head his dad has, is dressed in a suit, but appears to have put on sunscreen and forgotten to rub it in correctly so you can see a few white streaks under his orange sunglasses-adorned eyes. The third person in the house...you can't quite figure out how he's related to the other two. His head is stretched out horizontally, and while he has blond hair, you can't see the color of his eyes because they're under snazzy-looking purple shades. He's wearing a glittery purple suit top with a glittery silver tie and greyish-silver pants. At the moment, the kid of the family appears to be getting ready to go to school.

What will you do?