#Kun Plays Pokemon Red

You know, the recap is incomplete. Why not recite the entirety of Les Miserables?

With this playing in the background on loop. youtu.be/JEVago2PKn0

this tbh

You decide that the best way to deal the finishing blow to Clauren would be to use the power of an ability you haven't used in a long time...but would best encsulate the growth that you've made along your journey...

The figure of a volcano materializes behind you, shaking violently as it sprouts from the ground, an eruption of some kind of brown, thick substance emerging from the top, as it begins encircling you in a long, meaty stream.



This is the power of your Stand, Magma!

You aim this stream of volcanic bakemeat towards the prone Clauren, globs of more Bakemeat sprouting from the ground and wrapping themselves around him as the searing hot meat bakes him to a crisp, naught but a lump of meat left in his place.

...Or so you'd think.

The caked-over mound begins to tremble and crack, as strands of stringy-looking bread begin to trust their way out from the delicious prison, a few catching you by surprise and wrapping around your legs. The meat practically explodes off of him as he stands up, and you get a better look of that stringy substance that was summoned forth from the ether...and get to see it also contains meat of it's own, and also has eyes, to boot!

"Did you really think you could best me with mere tree puns? Ha! I take your wordplay and throw it to the trash! After all, we wouldn't be evenly matched if I didn't *also* have a stand..."



"Now, then! Feast your eyes upon my own Stand, and tremble before the power of the 'Flying Spaghetti Monster!' You've done well so far, but resist me you'll do no more! The future is meaningless, but the pasta is now!"

Flying Spaghetti Monster? You've never heard of that band. You figure it doesn't really matter, since your stand was originally just called 'Volcano Bakemeat', which...yeah.

You two merely stand yards across from eachother, one looking over the other in intense silence. And then...you both rush in, at the same time. Magma launches another volley of Volcano Bakemeat as you thrust your fist forwards, but it is met by Clauren's leg as he kicks you in the stomache, sending you hurtling back before FSM catches you in its tendrils and bounces you back towards Clauren's fist. This, however, is met with you pushing your legs out towards him as you kicks him back with the full force of your body!

Sent hurtling back, he spins out before catching the ground with one of his hands. He fllings himself back up, as FPM sends out a barrage of Explosive Meatballs, which you start to dance around gracefully to the tune of "One Day More".

...As sung by Waluigi, who's somehow made his way over here? Huh.

"Of course you resort back to bringing in help from beyond. Even here, when we lie in isolation...You know they're merely extensions of yourself, don't you? The good ones, the bad ones, they're all just a part of you. You can do whatever you want with them, or to them...no consequence comes from mis-using them, for they're another you. Why do you keep distracting yourself with copies of yourself?"

You give the broadest of shrugs possible to both convey that you don't know why, nor why exactly Waluigi keeps showing up. You're not sure just how 'with you' he is at this point. Looking him over, though, you realize that's not entirely true. There's people with you that aren't you, right? And you want to protect those people...your pokemon, and various allies you've met from afar. You try conveying this to Clauren.

"Your Pokemon? Yes, I'm sure you think them allies. But I don't need any of my pokemon, for I'm simply far above them in ability, as you are. And likewise, they lack the power that I possess. They could be hurt. They could be killed. Dependence sows the seeds of despair, after all..."

Something doesn't seem right about this...He says he's above using Pokemon, but he must have at sone point if Mewtwo's account of the past were accurate. And there's something else, too...someone missing. He came to Kanto for a reason, and you know what that reason was. He came because somebody left, and he came to Kanto with more than a few friends...

What about Looker? And Emma?

"Leave them out of this! This is a match between you and me, so I'd prefer we-"

Nah, you'd really like to explore this avenue of conversation. After all, they seemed pretty important to him, from what Looker and Mewtwo had to say.

"Look, I'd much prefer not thinking about Looker or Emma, alright? They're not like Pokemon. They're people, not like us, but with emotions and...Emma should never have been involved in my business here! Bringing her was the only mistake I've ever made! And I will have that mistake corrected, with or without you!"

If he's seriously worried you'd hurt her or something, then he's sorely misjudged you. And you try to tell him this, which he responds to with a hint of anger.

"Your past deeds speak strongly, Wishmaker! Your empathy is a light switch, and your moral compass a roulette wheel! I have no reason to believe you'd seriously leave her unharmed with such a lack of...conscience..."

Oh. Well, looks to you like maybe Clauren forgot about that little development a few posts ago. This won't do, no, this won't do at all. Hey, Beat?


"Eeeeeh? Where'd that voice come from?!?"

You wanna...recap the plot?


"Wait, seriously? You for real, man?"


"Dude, I've been rehearsing for this! Alright, we'll start from the beginning..."

Clauren, baffled at this turn of events is utterly helpless as you proceed to slam down atop him and Beat a gigantic Wall of Text, trapping the Wishmaker with your recapping bro until what you can only surmise will be the end of time itself. Or at least, for the next 50 posts. Perhaps Clauren will have a new perspective on things with the aid of Beat's amazing factual recounting of everything he's seen and heard up to this point?

Of course, that just leaves you here in this blank space, with no idea about how to return...

What will you do now?




so, youre finally awake!

You find yourself in the back of a caravan-

"nah, im just messin with ya. though, you were out like a light!...anyways, you gonna eat that sammich?"

Coming to your senses a bit, you recognize where you are: this is the same restaurant that Sans took you to back when you were in Saffron City. It doesn't seem too different from the last time you've been here...though while Sans is sitting immediately next to you on the right, there's someone to your left that's familiar, yet not too familiar...yet not too not too familiar. Snagging the sammich from your plate, Sans continues to speak.

"listen, kid. id hate to dine and dash, but ive been awfully busy these days doing absolutely nothing. and i urgently have some lazing around to get back to. you lovebirds have fun, though!"

With that, Sans gets up from his seat, and walks out the front door. Leaving just you and your new friend.



"Uhm...hello again. Crimson, was it? That's a nice name...I, uhm...I'm the girl you helped out back there in that weird museum. My name's Alice. I'm sorry about how I looked different back there, and...I don't really look entirely like this, either. I'm not really from around here, so I guess this is how the world compromises...weird, huh?"

"Thank you for helping me out back there. It didn't do too much good, though...guess I'll be looking for my dad elsewhere. I'll probably never find him at this rate...maybe he doesn't even want to be found...S-sorry. That was a bit much to dump on you all of a sudden."

Alice gets up from her seat, but turns back towards you, presenting in her hand...what you immediately recognize as a Beast Ball. "I want you to have this. I think this is one of the ones that Clauren kid was using. I don't know why, but when I came to here, I was holding it...and I think it wants to be with you. So...take it. Please."

You feel like you don't have much of a choice...but you'd sooner accept than refuse, anyways. You keep the Pokemon, tucking the Beast Ball away in your pocket.

"I suppose this is goodbye, then...but...I hope we'll get to meet again sometime soon. You seem like a nice enough guy."

With that, Alice turns towards the entrance to this fine establishment, leaving through the entrance, glowing in white beyond the wooden doorframe. Soon enough, you make your leave, too, to parts unknown...

(>'-')> <('-'<) ^(' - ')^ <('-'<) (>'-')> <('-'<) ^(' - ')^ <('-'<) ^(' - ')^ <('-'<) <('-'<) ^(' - ')^ (>'-')>



You received A******'s Lunala! Do you want to nickname the Lunala?

Name the Lunala Nebby. It's only fair.

Also don't get lost in glowing white space on your way to parts unknown.

It doesn't take you much deliberation to figure out what you should name your new Pokemon...Ecliptica! Because that was a pretty cool metal album, plus it sounds like a moon thing!

...Oh, wait, Nebby is also a good name! You think!...Because...wait, what's a Nebby?

Ah, forget it, you'll just combine both names in the best way you can think of...as...uhm...

...Ne...cliptica...bby. Neclipticabby. Yeah, that works.

You face back towards that white space, thinking to yourself about whether or not it's safe to walk through...what if there's a white void on the other side of that? You take a few more moments to think about this, and shrug. It's probably not safe anyways, and that cooking match between you and Clauren was kind of fun, so let's cook instead! You hop onto the other side of the counter to find that the stovetop of whoever made that sammich is...made entirely out of plastic. You try yanking open a nearby kupboard to find that it's...glued shut. You give up, turning towards a nearby plate of french fries that's been set up near the stove, and claim that you made it.



Now to top it off with a nice side of ketchup! You pick up a nearby bottle and tilt it over the fries...and the top comes off, pouring way too much ketchup than you ever wanted...or even thought was in the blasted thing, as the floor is just covered in ketchup, gallons upon gallons pouring out within seconds, drowning you in ketchup as your vision turns saucy red...



"...Oh, hey! He's starting to wake up!"

Your eyes start to flutter open as you find yourself back in that same bed you were in when you first got here. The first thing you see as you sit up is that green-haired Celio fellow that you first met what seems to be practically years ago now...by which you mean earlier today.


"Thank goodness...I was worried we had arrived too late. A kind woman by the name of Anabelle found you collapsed near the side of the road, so we rushed to get you medical attention ASAP. Turns out you had a heart attack, which is odd, considering how healthy you look..."

You hear a different voice speak up. "This boy is rather strange for someone his age in quite a lot of ways, Celio. I'm not entirely convinced this happened as an accident..."

"But he wouldn't give HIMSELF a heart attack...or even could, if I'm being blunt!" You can hear the the unsteadyness and confusion ooze from Celio's voice as he speaks to this other person, whom you turn your attention to...and immediately recognize from your dream.


"Maybe he could...maybe he didn't want to. And, maybe, there was more to it than that...after all, you found me outside soon after, did you not?"

Celio, in reluctance, admits "Well, yeah, we did. Two mysterious events, one happening after the other...there has to be a connection, right?"

"And it all starts with this strange kid, dressed the same as him all those years ago..."

You decide now's a good tike to go over what you've witnessed in your dream, as well as listen to what Bill and Celio have to add about what happened you were out. Apparently, after finding that statue of the true Bill, he came to on One Island with no memory of what transpired or how he was turned to stone in the first place. It also seems that 'Anabelle' that helped you was the same one who asked how you crossed the water (which is PERFECTLY NORMAL, of course), but she couldn't stay too long as she was on business here.

It also turns out that Bill also remembers seeing a trainer much like you running around about 10 years ago or so. Even claiming he helped him out when he accidentally turned himself into a Pokemon, something you also remember vividly...but...with Not-Bill, instead. Like with Celio before, you both seem to remember the same things happening in your journey as this kid from 10 years ago...with wildly fluctuating differences.

You're not sure what to make of any of this, exactly, though your thoughts are diverted when Bill asks you something you weren't quite expecting. "When you met this person that was impersonating me...did you, at any point, meet a woman named Lusamine?"

The name isn't any bit familiar to you, you figure...but it sure is to Celio. "Wait...is that who you said was visiting you from Alola?"

"Indeed it was," Bill confirmed, "But she didn't come alone, of course. Her daughter was with us, too, and I fear...well, they may have been caught up in this mess my imposter caused. C, I know we've only just met for real, but I must ask you a favor: Take me with you back to Kanto. I have to find them, and make sure that they're safe myself. I owe that much to them."

"Go back there? But...didn't you hear all the ridiculous stuff C went through? You could be thoroughly whooped!"

"I dunno. You can't deny I'd be in safe hands. And besides..." He flashes a smile. "Someone needs to make sure the PC Storage is running smoothly."

You allow this. You're not sure who any of these people are, but you don't believe you could deny him this even if you wanted him to. Without another word, you beckon him out of the Pokemon Center...

As Bill follows you outside, you take in that pristine, salty sea air for one last time, as you make your way over to the southern beach a short stroll away where you believe you were found washed up. You pick up a nearby grain of sand and lick it...yeah. Tastes like Volcano Bakemeat.

You look from this spot, hoping that there's just...some kind of very convenient spacial or temporal disruption nearby...and you can feel it. There is one nearby, just off the shore. You send out Neclippy, making a running jump onto his back as the lunar pokemon lowers itself for Bill to climb aboard.

"So...you ever ride a Pokemon like this before?" You tell him that no, you haven't. There's no more time for any other responses as Neclippy soars into the air, towards an odd, glimmering spark suspended within the air. He lets out a cry, piercing open the hole in the fabric of space large enough for him to enter, and flies inside as it closes behind you.



Once inside the wormhole, you can see space extending forward in an almost tube-like fashion, with several openings to parts unknown within...but only one, you figure, could possibly lead you back to Kanto.

Something something Dream Drop Distance joke

Hey, remember how a red robed figure saved two children who were in danger from a car by just like...throwing it into a random window? .....no? Oh, you must be so far behind on Balance. Anyways, do that!

If you do end up doing this, make sure the Hammerheads don't win. They're rude to Klarg.

Unbeknownst to anyone here in this street (Oshalite least of all), you do have a stand to match this car stand in power!...at least, you think it might be a stand? It’s got all this menacing purple around it, and all. Your own stand, aptly named ‘Magma’ bursts forth from the ground in an iconic meat volcano shape, tendrils of meat wrapping around Jotaro and Phoenix, yanking both to safety. The car swerves on a dime and starts veering towards you again as a very well-toned arm reaches outwards, shaking his fist towards C.

Car: Are you kiddin’ me? More of you Stand Users? Just more worms to flatten underneath my wheels!

The dude’s right, you got no wheels! You start concentrating your bakemeat underneath you, forming the shape of a Batmobile as you begin driving it off into the Arizona Desert...what desert?...you know. That one. The one over there. In Arizona.

As that Menacing Purple Car slowly catches up towards you, it starts firing off...something in your direction. You feel this something invisible impact with the car...

Jotaro: That smell...gasoline?

Car Man, the least robotic Robot Master: Hahaha! Surprised? Just wait till we start getting cooking!

Phoenix: (Oh no, not again…)

That other car starts closing in on yours, letting a few loose, sparking cables get too close for comfort...sensing danger, you press the eject button and let the meat seat launch you, Jotaro and Phoenix out of the car that is also made out of meat. As you’re launched out from the car it bursts into flames, and as you land, that same attack comes hurtling out from the enemy car and striking both you and Jotaro on the side. The purple, menacing car parks itself a few yards away as the driver’s pumped arm comes out, pointing at you two.

‘Car’den: Haha! How’d you like those gas pellets I shot out at your ‘hot’ rod? Now that you’ve got nowhere to run, it’s only a matter of dealing with you two in so much the same manner! Starting with you, hat boy!

Just as quickly as this mystery man says this line, half a dozen or so loose cables come shooting out from underneath the car straight at Jotaro, as he’s caught on fire in an instant! All you can see through the blaze is just an outline of his burning form…

luCario: Aha! That was way too easy! With wimps like you running around, they ought make ME the star of this CYOA!

Phoenix: Sea Why Oh...what?

So with your one of dozens of closest allies currently burning alive, and the other...actually, you don’t know this guy, but like everyone you meet he’ll probably become a close ally of some kind. Anyways, what will you do now?
















Jotaro: “The better question is...what will YOU do?”

Cars 2: huWHAAAAAT?

The fire where you could see Jotaro smoldering starts to simmer down, as you see his figure flop down onto the ground. On closer inspection, you can spy the tattered remains of Jotaro’s jacket...which blows away to reveal a hole in the ground. Moments later, the purple car goes flying upwards as Star Platinum punches his way up from the ground. This looks really cool and amazing, but to Phoenix this is just another brain-melter on top of an already brain-melting precinct visit.



A loud explosion comes from where the car’s seated as it lands on the ground, now a complete wreck. A rather scrawny fellow with very buff arms comes rolling out, and immediately starts trembling and, faster than you can say ‘greased lightning’, darts off into the sunset…

Jotaro: Guess he was all talk…

Phoenix: ...But...he barely said anything? (And there goes one of our leads…)

You shrug, figuring it’s one less...guy...to deal with. Seriously you have NO idea what’s going on for once, your inner Osh shining through to the rest of the group.

Phoenix: Hey, who is this kid supposed to be, anyways? He kind of just saved our butts out of nowhere…

Carl shoves his way towards the front of the group, all the while sounding ecstatic about the letter C, for some reason. You elaborate that that is your name, to the porcupine’s confusion.

Phoenix: (Why does everyone I meet think I’m a porcupine?!)

After receiving your rather convoluted explanation from Phoenix, you turn around to look for where Miku could’ve gone off to, hoping to interrogate her--- Oh. Miku appears to be running away from that horse you summoned earlier, which is being chased by a humanoid being made entirely out of two street food carts and miscellaneous food items. You didn’t think she was equinophobic… Then again, she did try to kill you, so you guess you don’t really know her all that well.

Phoenix: H-hey, wait, wasn’t that-

Jotaro: We can deal with that in a bit.

Phoenix: But she atta-

Jotaro: I said, we can deal with it in a bit. Yare yare daze...

Yeah, you have more pressing matters, yourself. Like asking this dude about what’s going on, because you’ve never met him before and he’s somehow had more lines than 90% of the cast so far, and that’s impressive. Maybe he can tell you what the flip is going on?

C: Don't mind what the flip is going on, instead start default dancing while T-posing in a social experiment to see how many people here imagine that as an impossibly silly image and/or resonate on any level with the sheer lack of context to your memeness.

C: Do some action that forces Xeno to link to a dramatically appropriate High School Musical song. Then find out what the flip is going on.