#Kun Plays Pokemon Red

C: Have all your Pokemon attack Clauren at once, but teleport the attack through space-time to a moment X seconds after he reacts to the predictable attack, with X being half the number displayed on the 20-sided die you just rolled!

Since you managed to get the jump on Clauren with that prior exploding PC, your next move might as well be considered a sneak attack. So with that in mind, you ask Mewtwo to offer some help.

Mewtwo: I might know a guy...hey, Greninja. I'm sure you've been dying to prove your individual worth.

Greninja: In all my time in Kalos, I've been studying under my Master, Ceasar...and for the first time since those days, I'll finally get to show you the power of my signature move! C, I carry on my shoulders the hopes and dreams of you and all those back in Kanto! Witness the power of my Bubble Cutter!

A razor-sharp bubble is shot out from the Greninja's hands, sinking deep into Flareon's chest. The fox shows no signs of despair as it sinks even deeper, Flareon's Water Absorb making quick work of the attack. All Greninja can offer in return is a short '...ack!'

Clauren chuckles, a hand still to his face. "A pitiful first effort. Now allow me to take my turn now.

Flareon, eyes glowing now, stares down Dosdos and yelps out, an orb of ice starting to encase it. Dosdos cries out, slamming against it as purple lightning starts coursing through it. The orb explodes in both electric and freezing energy, as the aptly-titled Freeze Shock concludes. (120)

Flareon baton-passes his next move to Domealakazam, whom concentrates his ancient democratic-based abilities into one large Psychic blast aimed straight at Bald Bull. Despite his best attempts to guard, he could never be prepared for that kind of mental strain. (160)

Domealakazam baton-passes it over to Slaking, who lets out a big yawn, eyes drooping...and opens them up wide as he bolts up onto his two large feet, lightning coursing through it and around it as he takes a mad dash for Greninja, who can only feebly attempt to cover up his face as a Huge Power-boosted Bolt Strike crashes fully against his body. (400)

Slaking passes it on down to Pheromosa, who summons a gold ring in front of them. Pheromosa dashes in, unseen by anyone on the battlefield...until a portal opens up behind Mewtwo and a large foot slams down upon him. Two more portals open up with large fists jettisning out from them, being replaced by three more portals, each with a swift kick, and then another four with successive fists and legs. This goes on for a while until a final portal opens up in front of Mewtwo as Pheromosa dashes out, kicking him straight in the chest and rendering him incapacitated. (180)

Pheromosa gives Lunala the signal, whom flies up above the arena, holding its wings firmly outwards. By this point, pretty much every 'Mon of yours is very cautious of being ambushed by nowhere...there's not even so much as a hint of where a beam would be aimed until it's too late, and Lunala finishes charging, a beam almost instantly striking down the Cosmic Owl. (250)

Lunala passes it on over to Clauren the Sylveon himself, letting a glare escape his lips as he



It's about time you were let out of that nightmare of a spherical prison. Can you imagine, whittling away the hours after not having even so much as the dignity to extinguish even one little measly life since what you can only approximate to be about two or so towns ago? Of course you don't have to. You went through it. You're not even really sure why you're thinking this to yourself, probably just a bit of cabin fever. Gotta say, though, it feels nice offing someone with such a large stick up his ass. Between this douche and Queen Turd-

Clauren effortlessly slips out from both the sword lodged firmly in his jugular and the confusing self-narrative woven by Bec Noir, retaliating by swinging his hand down hard on the doggo's shouler, his arm taking on the form of a sharp blade as he does. It's a critical strike, chopping off his right- and only- arm, the Queen's Ring that granted him his amazing powers along with it. He leaves a sizeable crater on the ground as he reverts back to Jack Noir, thoroughly unable to battle. (K.O.) Clauren looks over to you, waving his fingers as he gives you a 'tsk, tsk, tsk'. "You really should have put a leash on that thing..."

Having still dealt a critical blow, Clauren passes it on to Celescake, whose eyes seem to flicker with newfound purpose. It turns towards the rest of your team, letting out a giant wall of flame once again, which envelops the entirety of your team... (40 Fire Dmg.)

"Would you look at that!", Clauren exclaims, "I knocked down half of your team, Persona-style. I had to do a bit extra to ol' Jack, but I'm sure you understand...I know you resented him deep down, never wanted to be involved with such a psychopath if you could help it. I had one of those 'friends', too, and I thank you again for disarming that situation for me. But we're not done here, far from it..."

Clauren jumps up into the air, landing gracefully at your feet with a bow. "Now, since we're playing by Persona rules, I believe the party that knocks the other for a loop gets something out of the situation, correct? Be it money, items...alliance."

He looks deep into your eyes now, almost pleading. "Crimson, 108-gendered alien of the stars above...you've captured my heart with your exploits, and our battle today has enlightened me to the kind of person you are. Uncompromising, but not ignorant of the affairs of others! You are something Bill could never be, and that's compassionate. I want to be a part of someone that doesn't simply abide by some pre-conceived sense of order, or structure...with a sense of justice as wild as their sense of fun! Forget me giving you the Domeocracy! I want to fuse with you and see them get taken down one by one with our bare hands! Wouldn't it be fun? What do you say...?"

Mine Turtle (0/100)
Mewtwo (0/130)
Greninja (0/70)
Cow Pretending to be a Man (0/10)
Ryochu (60/100)
Rumia (40/80)
Eevee (0/20)
Jack Noir (0/70)
Abby (50/70)
Notdaquil (10/30)
Noodle (20/40)
Zoomin' Zubat (0/15)
Treesus (10/30)
Bald Bull (0/60)
Keith Moon (30/50)
Yuugenmagan (60/100)
Squiddia (10/50)
Shadow Mario (20/60)
Yamame Kurodani (10/50)
Dos Dos (0/110)
??? (???)
Cosmic Owl (250/250)
Youmu (0/65)
Yuyuko (50/90)
Tom Nook (30/30)
Dimentio (60/100)
Terry (20/100)
Mienshao (20/60)
oh crud NOODLE EVERYTHING (0/35)

Claureon: (∞)
Cakesteela (310/350)
Sylveon (189/250) +
Flareon (220/220)
Domealakazam (250/250)
Slaking (300/300)
Pheromosa (200/200)
Lunala (400/400)

I second Phox, and simultaneously applaud Clauren for his impressive display. But I also have one thing to say about that whole thing.
Only one of our party members actually did something before he took his turn. He technically acted out of the turn order. So did Jack/Bec of course but...

I second Planet that's like stranger danger rule #1.

Fast enough to escape a nihilist.

(he didn't get the question right.)

What's your opinion on jeans?

.....That appears to be a you problem, then. Moving on! You should get a hobby. Have you considered.... the WANG DOODLE?

Oh, so what you're saying is that stuff written by people is the only thing that you can't solve by thinking about it? There are lots of good stories out there. Another hobby you could take up, failing the prior option, is telling Xeno to update.

....that's kinda rude, y'know? Warping someone into a battle, endangering their friends, simply because you want to fight them...well, I won't say where your battle arena reminds me of, but....

How about chess?

(Failing that, can C conjure stuff in here?)

(Seconded, and say a one-liner when you do.)

"Check out The Fallen Ones, bro!"

You shout this at the top of your lungs, as a gun that materialized behind Clauren's head fires upon him...and he simply stretches his neck to the side, moving his head awar from the blast, as it snaps back into place. "Well, now, you're gonna need to try a little harder than that. Now, a game of Chess, you say? Reference I'm missing or not, I can make this interesting..."

Suddenly, the ground shakes, as you find yourself atop a Chess Board, and large Chess pieces start surrdounding both you and Clauren. They look about ready for battle, as he starts to order a Pawn to move, but then you say no. You'd rather play checkers. Flipping into the air, you land square on his head and take him by surprise, landing on his head as a crown lands falls from the sky and lands on your head.


This is what peak male performance looks like.

You jump about the battlefield, kicking Clauren's chess pieces and sprinkling sparkles throughout the Chess Board. He has absolutely no idea what's going on, and you're not sure you quite know yourself. You kinda just wanted an excuse to jump on top of Clauren.



After taking down all if the pieces, you decide to take a bow...loosening your crown a little in the process. Clauren notices and considers this, and also takes a bow, causing your crown to loosen more and more, until...it falls off! And you turn back to normal. As you define normal anyways, I guess.

"By the way," Clauren states, "I've seen a bit of The Fallen Ones already. I do so miss the shenanigans of Generic and Mass Confusion, but I do feel like you've been coming into your own as a writer."

That's nice. What do?

Be unsurprised that the kanji for “murder” showed up. However, be surprised that the radical for “tree” is in said kanji. Seriously, *tree*?

Oh right regarding the battle.... uhhh weaponize the worst Christmas song ever? Become a demigod???? Hell if I know I’m tired, you can throw an orchid at him if you want. Play Song of the Third Period if you want.

You get a glint in your eye as you look over at Clauren. And then back at the floor. It is...still checkerboards! And as they say about checkerboards...

...

tableflip

While the two of you DO go tumbling down into the void, which...is a little disorienting for the both of you, until you both remember that you can fly. Clauren returns himself to a standing position, while you decide to bring yourself into a T-pose to assert your dominance. Clauren is unfazed.

"Isn't this much better than before? Exerting our abilities against eachother to realize our full potentials? We don't need anyone else when we can do so much for ourselves! And we could do so much more if we were together! Just imagine...the power of a Wishmaker, twice over!"

A proposal you'd never take in a million years. Someone who uses their power like this for attention doesn't sound like a fun ally. He seriously needs to re-consider his priorities.

"I don't need to reconsider anything! Crimson, you're the only one like me in all of this blasted world! The only one I could come to for the kind of experiences I want in life! Truly, absolutely chaotic ones! That man who claimed to be Bill...he was nothing more than a pathetic leech! I want you, Crimson! I want you to become a part of me!"

Kids, there's nothing more cool than being hugged by someone you like. But if someone tries to touch you in a place or a way that makes you uncomfortable, that's NO GOOD!

"I refused to be memed on by an outdated Sonic PSA! If you won't strike me down now, then I'll simply-"


Y'know, you haven't done a strike back at him yet, have you? Not in this post, at least. So, might as well sow the seeds of rebellion now, planting a small seed in front of that sap Clauren. He questions this action, as any sane man wood, when suddenly a giant tree branches out from the void itself. You go out on a limb and axe Clauren if he looks like a birch, to which he offers knot a single peep...and, brandishing a hatchet from the ether, you start chopping down that magnificent tree so fast that he doesn't have any time to leaf, collapsing upon him as he shakes like a leaf, pining him down by the roots. Left weeping after the blow, he does not look oak-k, showing that perhaps his bark was worse than his bite. It's not yet time to take a bough, though- there's still the matter of what to do now that he can't move fir a bit.