King Arthur leads the group of knights as they storm out of the French castle, Alex following closely behind. They then sprint to their nearby campsite, hoping to get some important supplies for their journey. Unfortunately, when they finally arrive, they notice that the place is inhabited only by modern English police officers. An elderly man in a brown trenchcoat and a black hat approaches the knights when they appear. He says, “Excuse me, I’m a detective working with Scotland Yard, and I’m investigating the murders of three English minstrels that took place in the area. Do you have any information that could help us?” Before King Arthur can reply, Sir Robin shouts, “Oh, yeah, those guys were with us! We killed a bunch of ‘em!” King Arthur turns to Sir Robin with a look of dissapointment on his face. Sir Robin continues, “Oh, wait... that’s a crime isn’t it...” The knights and policemen stand around awkwardly for a few seconds before Sir Robin points at Alex and shouts, “IT WAS HIM!” The detective in the trenchcoat moves quickly, cuffing Alex. (SECRET ACTION; RECEIVED BY PM) The other knights attempt to draw their swords, but most of them are cuffed by the police before they get the chance. King Arthur tries to flee campsite, but a rookie officer tases him. The police work quickly, loading everyone into three police cars parked outside the campsite and then driving away. You find yourself in the detective in the trenchcoat’s car along with King Arthur.
The cars slowly make their way back onto the road and then start driving up some nearby mountains. Alex supposes that the police need to cross the mountains to reach the police station. With little else to do, Alex absentmindedly glances out the window. Eventually, the police cars slow down a little to drive up a steep incline, and Alex looks to the left and sees that the mountain side drops down sharply a short distance away from the road, a rotting fence being the only barrier between the two. Alex cranes his neck, and sees Camelot in the distance, a long distance away from the foot of the mountain. He tells King Arthur of his discovery, who is now recovered from his incident. He immediately comes up with the most clever of clever plans. Using the power he gained from The Holy Canned Laughter, he guffaws loudly enough to reduce the police cars and handcuffs to nothing but rubble. He immediately runs towards the cliff, with Alex following. The other knights, seeing their cue, get up and run to the cliff as well. The police are much slower to get up, and by the time they’ve gotten to their feet the knights are already lined up at the edge of the cliff, looking out at Camelot. Sir Robin shouts, “Well? What are we supposed to do now?” King Arthur laughs, and replies, “Now... we jump off the cliff.” He throws five of what appear to be backpacks into the air. Keeping one for himself and putting it on, King Arthur is first to jump off the cliff. The other four knights catch the backpacks, and jump as well after putting them on. Alex grabs one that landed on the ground and puts it on, cautiously looking behind him. The detective in the trench coat is rapidly closing in on him, so, without even looking, Alex leaps off of the cliff. (Sable-Xeno)
As soon as Alex leaves the cliff face, he grabs the small white loop on the backpack thing and pulls it. The backpack opens, and with a whooshing sound, a parachute bursts outward, greatly slowing Alex’s descent. He looks around, and sees that the rest of the knights were able to deploy their parachutes without any trouble. Except, of course, for Sir Robin, who is now being carried by Sir Lancelot. As your group slowly floats down, Alex is suddenly hit with what he can only describe as divine inspiration. Pulling out his ukulele, Alex begins to tune his instrument, and then begins playing the slow intro to
the mighty Planetbox’s favorite song, except he instead sings some new lyrics that he somehow made up on the spot. (EmperorToad, OshaliteX2)
“A long, long time ago
I can still remember how those stories used to make me smile
And I thought if I started two
I’d show my pals what I could do
And maybe they’d be happy for a while
But how July had made me shiver
With the first action they delivered
“Jump off the cliff,” it said
It really made me quite sad
I can’t remember if I cried
When his skull was split on that cliff side
But something touched me deep inside
The day that one guy died
So bye, bye, that random nameless guy
Just one fraction of an action led to his suicide
That deep dark sea is where he currently lies
Singin’ I’ll surely do better next time
Yes I’ll do much better next time!”
The song speeds up in tempo, and as a sudden burst of wind sends Alex flying towards Camelot even faster, the rest of the knights join in for the first verse and chorus.
“Did you know that famous thief
was killed in battle with the police?
Yeah I saw that on the news
Ah but did you know he killed a bear?
And crashed a helicopter there
And did you see him flying through the air?
Well I know he launched a nuke at France
And I saw the cops make their advance
They couldn't die it’s true
So he made one last desperate move
He ended up flying across Walmart
With a grappling hook and a broken heart
And I saw the chief’s mind blow apart
The day the smuggler died
I started singin’
My, my, Seymour Cooper has died
Flew that copter and those coppers saw just how far he’d fly
The cause of death the chief just couldn't decide
Singin’ I’ll surely do better next time
Yes I’ll do much better next time!”
At this point most of Camelot hears the tune in the distance. Everyone opens their windows and looks out at the sky, where they see the knights returning from their quest. A few even leave the city to get a better look, while several farmers down in the fields below decide to join in for the next verse.
“Now for three years we’ve been all alone
And the graveyard filled up with headstones
But that’s not how it used to be
When the artist claimed the presidency
With a name she borrowed from Kouri
And a mind that came from you and me
Oh, and while the queen downloaded apps
A coup was planned by nerdy chaps
The nukes were aborted
Wendy’s plan was thwarted
And while Fermata tracked down his mark
A young man tried to jump the shark
And we sang dirges in the park
The day assassins died
We were singin’
My, my, Bill T. Dunban survived
He’s been thrivin’ and survivin’ after White Angel died
I saw him later and he looked in my eyes
Singin’ I’ll surely do better next time
Yes I’ll do much better next time!”
Now the knights are quickly approaching Camelot. Several people storm out of the city’s gates and gather up below the knight’s position in the sky. As they continue floating, the townspeople continue walking below them, joining for the next verse as they go.
“Hocus pocus it’s time to refocus
Sir Galleth vanished into the forest
Let’s see how long he’s gonna laaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAST!
No, he died so we could live
The painting’s quick death I can’t forgive
With the rider dying slowly on her bed
Now the hiker gave out five contracts
But soon the tempest would fight back
Aaron made his advance
Oh, but he never got the chance
Then the posters themselves joined the field
That robot Toad refused to yield
But from the start his fate was sealed
The day the athlete died
We started singin’
My, my, Vesti Gates has survived
Caught Manny Jerr the true killer who went to jail and cried
He got his own CYOA where he thrives
Singin’ I’ll surely do better next time
Yes I’ll do much better next time!”
King Arthur lifts up the Holy Grail, and a cheer erupts from the crowd below. As the song shifts into the next verse, and Alex closes in on Camelot, almost the entire city has joined in for the next verse.
“Here I am a spirit traveling through time
My life repeating the same old rhyme
With no time left to try again
So come on, Leo play your famous role
Leo got hit by tomatoes
Cause ketchup is the actor’s greatest foe
Oh and when I joined them on the stage
I played the most brilliant sage
Takumi was a fool
I fought him in a duel
But when that arrow flew right through the night
I looked across that stage in fright
I got a friend to record the fight
The day the teacher died
He was singin’
My, my, Susan Frizzle has died
Told Cthulhu that she’d school you thinking she was quite sly
As she lay dying she let out one big sigh
Singin’ I’ll surely do better next time
Yes I’ll do much better next time!”
The six knights finally land on one of Camelot’s tall towers. With this momentous touchdown, a few tears well up in Alex Batterstump’s eyes, but he quickly wipes them away. (Asphoxia) Everyone quiets down, as they know that he alone should sing the outro. So, the song winds down to the same tempo it had at the beginning, as Batterstump begins the outro.
“I met a girl with lots of tools
And I saw her fight off lots of fools
But she was spread ‘cross space and time
I went down through that timeline trail
As I quested for the Holy Grail
And I came back from the quest of a lifetime
And through the years the twins were creamed
The hipster cried and the worker dreamed
But they were not forgotten
Though their death scenes were rotten
And the three men I was glad had lived
Fermata, Tempest, Detective
These stories they would soon outlive
The day this saga died
And I was singin’
My, my, Batterstump has survived.
I thought he’d fail to get the grail but yet I was surprised
And those famed knights are parachutin’ so high
Singin’ I’ll surely do better next time
Yes I’ll do much better next time”
The rest of the knights join in for the final chorus.
“I was singin’
My, my, Neverending has died
Yes please quip not though that is not what the name quite implies
And it was fun so I will quickly surmise
No there isn’t any reason to cry”
The end of the song is met with thunderous applause from most of Camelot. Alex Batterstump takes a bow, and then turns, walking back into the castle itself. King Arthur and the knights are quick to follow.
The soul moves out of Alex Batterstump’s body. But where does it go from here? Does it move on to to someone else, or does it merely disappear? ...I’m not entirely sure myself. But, I think it’s best if we don’t find out.
Because, Planetbox’s Neverending CYOA of Mass Confusion has now come to an end.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Credits:Directed by PlanetboxThe true identity of the man who leapt from the Cliffs of Dover remains unknown. No identification was found on his body, and his injuries made his face difficult to identify. No next of kin was ever identified, and it seemed as if not even the man himself was aware of his identity. All in all, his death was merely a strange event that briefly shook up monotony in one small, coastal town.Written by PlanetboxThe police chief never was able to fully categorize Seymour Cooper’s death, but it wasn’t all bad for him. He did gain an interesting story for his grandkids, and the urinal cake smuggling ring finally ground to a halt. However, it took years for France to recover from the nuclear missiles that many believe were launched by Seymour Cooper.Basically Everything by PlanetboxWendy “Ib” Tails’s takeover of the United States of Poland led to an increase in funding for the country’s secret service, especially after the event known as the Poland Missile Crisis, in which the world barely avoided World War III. It is believed that the assassin suffered from depression throughout her life, as she attempted suicide three times shortly before the attack.Artwork by Nobody
Cause I can’t draw.
Also there’s no art in the first place you dumbThe boy at the lead of the attack on The Felt mansion by The Dawn Squad was later identified as Bill T. Dunban. Though the gang war led to the eradication of all The Felt activities, The Dawn Squad was still active after the war. However, it was eventually dissolved from the inside, and shortly afterward Bill T. Dunban and his partner from the attack, known only as Treble Cannon, joined a government peacekeeping agency. Conspiracy theorists believe there is a correlation between these events.CYOA Engine for the Chatroom Segment created by LenrapThe unidentified corpse known only as Cabbage Man was never positively identified. According to witness testimony and police records, the suspect was incarcerated in a local prison after he murdered a police officer. However, the prison made no record of his name, and the police suspect no foul play in Cabbage Man’s death, which was most likely the result of a failed stunt.CYOA Engine for the Vesti Gates Segment adapted from the Ace Attorney series.
Check out Vesti Gates’s new CYOA here.Sir Galleth Keeby of the Seven Acronyms was known in life as a rather eccentric knight, who frequently captured criminals using killer wedgies. After he failed to return from a quest, he was presumed dead. However, a high-ranking knight from Araluen, a Ranger, and several Skandian warriors testified that the knight had died saving the world from two eldritch abominations. Historians debate the veracity of this claim, though most believe that none of them were likely to lie about such a subject.Moral Support: Everybody EverywhereOne day of Adeline Rider’s life saw her perform many bizarre and uncharacteristic actions, such as killing an armed criminal, stealing several objects before immediately returning them, and causing general shenanigans in a hardware store. However, she got over this bizarre faze and lived a long, happy life. She was soon married, and had several children and grandchildren, most of which were present when she died in her bed of natural causes.Catering by my Mom and Dad, I guess.The existence of Tempest, an ex-bounty hunter made entirely of water, is information reserved only to those of high security clearance. This assists Tempest in his job at a governmental peacekeeping agency, where he often eliminates dangerous targets as part of a strike force consisting of himself and two agents known as Fermata and Treble Cannon.Tempest Segment completed with the assistance of Lenrap and CaymamCruncher.
Stella Da Vinci segment adapted from suggestions by Asphoxia.A local eccentric painter was discovered dumping several containers of paint in a lake. When asked about it, he explained that the paint was very dangerous and should not be used at any cost. He then returned to the nearby mountains, where he is believed to have set up a private art studio many years prior. The man has spent most of his time in this studio ever since the tragic accident that killed his only daughter, Stella.“The Neverending Saga”
Tune from “American Pie” by Don McLean
Lyrics written by PlanetboxA VR chat platform was shut down after a strange incident where a robot took over a server. Those who occupied the chatroom were able to fight it off, though the server was later taken over by one of their own. Though the platform has been discontinued, it is believed that some people downloaded illegal copies of the platform and still use them today.Special Thanks:
OshaliteX2, Sable-Xeno.A body was found in the wasteland outside a small survivor town. It was identified as Aaron Walker, a man who had arrived in a nearby town earlier and caused chaos. No cause of death was clear, but in the apocalyptic wasteland, unexplainable deaths are common and not worth examining in detail.Special Thanks Continued:
CaymamCruncher, SockOutTheWindow, Xano2323, Asphoxia, EmperorToad, Dimitri, Treble Tech, Spindow.Dipper Duncan and Marcia Mabel go down in history as some of the modern world’s most despicable terrorists. The two office workers unexpectedly took over Washington State by force, renaming it Washington DM. During peace talks at at the USA’s embassy, they assassinated Gertrude John Bill Mary, the country’s president, in an attempt to gain control of the country. They also killed several government agents, and the total death count is uncertain. Investigators later recovered Dipper and Marcia’s bodies from the embassy. It is believed they were both killed when the building collapsed.Special Thanks Continued Continued:
Mouser, Scraggy, Koopario, NiGHTcapD, NyanKirby, Lenrap, Kiptoke, Keeby, Monarch of Madnezzzzzz, Puzzle044.Susan Frizzle V caused chaos in her school as she attacked other teachers and the principal, even taking a few lives. However, she eventually disappeared. It is rumored that she traveled to an entirely different world where she attempted to perform Hamilton! without actually having the script, which lead to disastrous consequences.Special Thanks Continued Continued Continued:
The Villager of Death, Sunn, ShinyMew112.Connor “Struck” Shunwerker caused a major panic in his city when he attacked the local populace using strange devices that operated on coffee. A local superhero group called The Tea Team chased him to an underground facility, where he apparently died of heart failure after consuming the contents of one of his weapons.Planetbox’s Neverending CYOA of Mass Confusion and all the characters therein all owned by Planetbox. Using them or their namesake for monetary gain is prohibited, and also just plain rude. So don’t do it, okay?Alex Batterstump became a famous folk musician in Camelot, who wrote songs on a variety of topics. He most enjoyed writing about current events, but also frequently wrote about events from the future. A common thread in many of his songs was a woman named Helena Dimentio, who apparently lived in the future but died under mysterious circumstances. Was he really a time traveler, or was he just slightly insane? No one knows for sure.Dedicated to you guys, especially those who stuck around. I don’t know where I’d be now if we hadn’t made this CYOA, but I don’t think it would have been a happier place.
Thank you for reading! 
Feed me lemons or feed me life!
