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Post by Asphoxia on Sept 13, 2015 9:51:38 GMT -5
You will realize that there's a Cat Blanket and equip said Cat Blanket.
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Post by Sable-Xeno on Sept 13, 2015 12:35:29 GMT -5
>Graft Pumpkin to yourself so that you have one hideous arm fin
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Post by Lenrap on Sept 13, 2015 18:19:13 GMT -5
Meditate until you learn how to stab metal bars and do so
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Post by Planetbox on Sept 16, 2015 15:21:25 GMT -5
You notice a cat blanket in the corner. Sadly, the moment you try to equip it, the mighty Planetbox intervenes by flushing it down the toilet, as the mighty Planetbox has no clue what a cat blanket is and is also afraid to find out. With that gone, you try to graft a nearby pumpkin to yourself. Sadly, there is no pumpkin in the room. If there was, I would have probably pointed it out. You people need to stop jumping to conclusions. Finally, you decide to tear up your rickety bed and use one of its pieces to stab one of the bars on your cell. The cell bar dies instantly. You are not certain it was even alive to begin with. You swim out in the gap made in the wall. You now find yourself in some kind of cell block, with about a 100 cells in a square stacked on top of each other, full of fishes that have crossed the Bureau of Fishy Fish Bureau in some way. Most of them are living out their hard jail sentence of ten and a half seconds. The Bureau of Fishy Fish Bureau is not one to hold grudges. What will you do now?
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Post by Sable-Xeno on Sept 16, 2015 20:00:01 GMT -5
(TFW you're viewing the other spectrum of someone not "in" on the Cat Blanket joke. Which I'm not explaining because rule of funny)
See if any of these cells contain a Zoroark a shiny Blaziken a green Lucario a Quilfish.
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Post by Dimitri on Sept 16, 2015 20:22:59 GMT -5
Dig out with a magic spoon that may or may not be the Battlespork of Zillywhatzits.
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Post by Planetbox on Sept 20, 2015 16:47:21 GMT -5
You look around the cell block. You notice a Qwilfish in one of the cells. This is an underwater world after all. It's only natural that there would be a Qwilfish. Plus, Qwilish is superior to all other Pokémon. You free the Qwilfish by ramming your head into the bars until they spontaneously combust. The Qwilfish freed (despite it only needing to stay in his cell for 1.54 more minutes) you begin making plans to escape. The only plan you manage to come up with involves Qwilfish vomiting up the Battlespork of Zillywhatzits and then throwing it at the wall. A hole breaks in the wall, and the two of you quickly swim out. Finally you arrive outside of the prison. You expect to hear sirens and what not, but no one really seems to care. Thankfully, you appear to have been taken off that mailing list. You are now at a busy interection surrounded by coral buildings and apartments. What will you do now?
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Post by Sable-Xeno on Sept 20, 2015 21:31:57 GMT -5
Present your police badge to Quilfish.
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Post by Dimitri on Sept 21, 2015 9:53:11 GMT -5
Head to a local McSalmon's and get some lunch, you're starving.
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Post by Planetbox on Sept 22, 2015 17:31:32 GMT -5
You decide that you are very hungry. You decide to go to the local McSalmons (there are about a 100 across the ocean) and get some food. You get a manatee burger because manatees are called sea cows lolfishpuns. You also coral fries and a kelp shake. You eat the delicious meal. You then present a fake police badge to the Qwilfish. Unfortunately, the Qwilfish sees this as a sign of agression and attacks with the fury of several quills and a fish. He blasts his poisoned spines in all directions. What will you do now?
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Post by Sable-Xeno on Sept 23, 2015 14:18:36 GMT -5
You should auto-poison the blows!
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Post by Planetbox on Sept 25, 2015 16:24:05 GMT -5
I have no clue what Sable is talking about so he is disqualified. As there are no other actions, Billbert is disqualified. For writing such a terrible update, Planetbox is disqualified. For creating the forum where I commited this crime Asphoxia is disqualified. For creating the chatroom that inspired the forum Keeby is disqualified. For hosting the forum that inspired the chatroom Keenspot is disqualified. For creating the comic that inspired the forum TriforceBun is disqualified. For creating the country in which he lives, the Founding Fathers are disqualified. For existing, the entire universe is disqualified. There, I think that about covers it. Nothing of note happens in this update, but the Qwilfish is still attacking you. What will you do now?
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Post by Mouser on Sept 26, 2015 22:59:30 GMT -5
Give the jailhouse dog a bone you find lying around in exchange for freedom
EDIT: I realize I'm a page so uh give a dog a bone so he can help you out of this sticky situation
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Post by Sable-Xeno on Sept 27, 2015 12:22:40 GMT -5
Really, have you never read Problem Sleuth? I mean, it's also from Homestuck in the form of things like auto-pastry and disqualify Mouser for both making reference to a dog underwater AND for being a Page. Seriously, dude. Go put some pants on.
Anyways, try to catch the Quilfish in a Bakemeat Ball.
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Post by Planetbox on Sept 28, 2015 15:45:20 GMT -5
Mouser is disqualified. Sable is disqualified for disqualifying Mouser. With no more posts, Billbert is disqua- You throw a bakemeat ball at the Qwilfish. Safly, you do not account for water physics in your throw, so the ball sails over the Qwilfish's head. You do catch a bottle of mustard though, which is just as good. You see a dogfish (This is the sea remember. Common domestic dogs do not sea.) and throw a bone at its face in hopes that it will support you in your cause. The dog is so angry at you for hitting it in the face that it eats Qwilfish in a fit of rage, then promptly gets erased from the story. Now that you aren't under attack, you are free to do whatever you want in the restaurant. What will you do now?
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Post by Sable-Xeno on Sept 29, 2015 2:08:18 GMT -5
Walk into the restaurant, eats tons of food, don't pay for any of it, then get into a pokemon battle with one of the waiters ala Taxi Drivers in X/Y. Then proceed to own them with your bottle of mustard.
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Post by Dimitri on Sept 29, 2015 9:57:18 GMT -5
Steal someone else's wallet and order a meal with it. Do not realize they have also stolen your wallet and done the same. Later, both of you will realize this and challenge each other to a contest for the bill. The waiter will bring you into the kitchen and give you each a stack of plates to wash, and then leave the room. When he comes back, he will not be able to tell who won. He will do this two more times, and then ask what you would call two people conned into doing his job not once, but three times and make you both pay for both meals as you are both losers.
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Post by Planetbox on Oct 1, 2015 15:29:02 GMT -5
You walk from the restaurant into the restaurant again, a feat beyong the comprehension of an average surface dweller. This act gets you down into the secret McSalmon's basement, where all of the gangsters hang out. You see a door leading into Walmon McSalmon's torture chamber. You steal a gangster's wallet (clearly a great idea), while the aforementioned ganster steals your wallet. You then both order a meal with the other's money. When the waiter arrives, you refuse to pay your bill. The waiter puts on brass... fins... I guess... and says "You wanna say that t'me again?" You explain that you don't want to repeat your statements and he should simply listem more. You send out your level 100 Mustardmon and use it to make his face explode. (Gen 8 Fire Starter Predicted) The gangster notices that you've stolen his wallet and challenges you to a duel, 1924 stereotypical gangster style. By this I mean he pulls out a sub-machine gun and says a few things about your mother. You calmly explain that you didn't actually spend any of his money, then steal his gun and fill him with lead. The dead gangster challenged you to a plate-cleaning fight. The two of you have an epic plate-cleaning war, before the dead gangster gets tired of this annoying "winning" thing you keep doing and flushes you down the sink. Billbert the Fish is being flushed down the sink. What will you do now?
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Post by Sable-Xeno on Oct 2, 2015 14:59:37 GMT -5
Be wary of PLAQUE MONSTERS!
Also find a shocking plot twist.
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Post by Asphoxia on Oct 2, 2015 15:07:19 GMT -5
Shocking plot twist: Be the Phantom Thief Chatnoir.
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Post by Mouser on Oct 2, 2015 22:44:17 GMT -5
Walk out of the CYOA and let your son have a chance to shine
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Post by OshaliteX2 on Oct 4, 2015 20:05:12 GMT -5
Go *chunk-chunk-chunk* and arrive at the underground level.
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Post by Planetbox on Oct 6, 2015 17:06:52 GMT -5
The mighty Planetbox disqualifies Asphoxia because his feet are cold. Anyway, our friend Billbert suddenly falls face-first into the absurdly spacious sewer level. They is intoxicated sewer water EVERYWHERE. In fact you're swimming in it right now. You are uncertain what the point of a sewer even is underwater, since your restroom is essentially-- WHAT WAS THAT! You hear spooky sounds coming from around the corner. You are frightened that it might be some kind of Plague Monster. You turn around a prepare to scream dramtically. Fortunately, there is no plague monster behind you (whoa plot twist). Instead, you see Billbert the Fish's Pet Melville the Sea Urchin. (WHOA PLOT TWIST) You are startled to see your own pet, alive at last, but even more startled when he pulls out a cleaver. (WHOA PLOT TWIST!!!) You begin questioning to yourself how a sea urchin can hold and use a cleaver, but then Melville brings the cleaver down over your head and Billbert the Fish dies dead (WHOA!!111!1!11! PLOT TWIST!!1111!!1!!!)
By the will of Mouser, you suddenly start playing as Billbert the Fish's Son Stanley the Fish. Despite being only, like, ten years old, he is currently in the Pacific Ocean Police Force investigating the murder of Stanley the Fish's Father Billbert the Fish (that totally won't get retconned in, like, a month). You are standing around in the sewer with a bunch of pointless policemen and a dead Billbert floating in the water next to a cleaver. What will you do now?
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Post by OshaliteX2 on Oct 6, 2015 20:56:11 GMT -5
Bring him back to life with the power of Deus ex Machina and the fact that this CYOA is named after him
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Post by Planetbox on Oct 9, 2015 15:33:57 GMT -5
Stanley the Fish tries to bring Stanley the Fish's Father Billbert the Fish back to life with the power of a Deus ex Machina, but the Deus in question doesn't feel like it right now. After all, the will of the mighty Mouser, an esteemed Super Nerd, can not be defeated so quickly. After all, Billbert will probably come back in three pages anyway, so it doesn't really matter. As a direct result of this, Stanley the Fish looks like an idiot. What will you do now?
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Feed me lemons or feed me life!
