Post by Planetbox on Oct 10, 2016 18:56:24 GMT -5
Once there was a young boy named Planetbox. Well, that wasn't his name in real life it was just his screen name, but you get the idea. This young boy was sitting in Math class and he was bored. So, he took out his calculator, went to the Program feature, and decided to start writing a dumb short story. His friend thought it was kind of funny, so he decided to make more chapters and upload them to the forums for kicks and giggles. Unfortunately, an evil group of evil people named Texas Instruments tried to stop him by making it impossible to retreive the words on a program file when it was transferred to a computer. But Planetbox persevered. At the risk of corrupting his files, he changed their extension to .txt and used the Find and Replace tool to convert the garbled mess that occured to a readable format. And thus, the first chapter of Planetbox's novel was complete. Planetbox finished the first section of the story on Google Docs, which is far more convenient than that other thing, though the nefarious group made many attempts to stop him. Texas Instruments also attempted to murder Planetbox to stop him from releasing the compromising info, but that's another story. And now, the first two chapter's of Planetbox's award winning novel, WORST, is available in a readable format. Here they are, along with some samples of praise for the book.
"Oh, I can't wait to see the rest of that." --Planetbox's IRL Friend.
"I- I'm done." --Planetbox's other IRL Friend.
"I suppose there is some way this book could be worse than it already is, but I can't quite imagine how." --Sammy Samuels, Proffesional Reviewer.
"This book is a good representation of humanity: a collection of many different ideas shoddilly complied together without much real rhyme or reason." --Meg Sanders, Moral Psychologist
"No offense to anybody, but I will make sure no member of my family even takes a glance inside this book." --latinlarry612, Google User.
"If I were to describe this story in one word, it would be 'WORST'." --Planetobx
And now, without further ado, the actual story part of the story.
Chapter 1
Chapter Two (This one is longer because I did this one entirely on my computer)
Coming Soon on WORST: Our hero gains a powerful new ally, and faces his most dangerous (and annoying) adversary yet!
"Oh, I can't wait to see the rest of that." --Planetbox's IRL Friend.
"I- I'm done." --Planetbox's other IRL Friend.
"I suppose there is some way this book could be worse than it already is, but I can't quite imagine how." --Sammy Samuels, Proffesional Reviewer.
"This book is a good representation of humanity: a collection of many different ideas shoddilly complied together without much real rhyme or reason." --Meg Sanders, Moral Psychologist
"No offense to anybody, but I will make sure no member of my family even takes a glance inside this book." --latinlarry612, Google User.
"If I were to describe this story in one word, it would be 'WORST'." --Planetobx
And now, without further ado, the actual story part of the story.
Chapter 1
CHAPTER ONE
There once was a man named Bob. He grew up on the plains of Georgia in 1955, when the world was under soviet rule for some reason. You see, in a daring move no one expected, Joseph Stalin snuck into America and stole the deed to the country from the current president, Paul Bunyan. So, the entirety of the USA was now controlled by the communists, who quickly took over the whole country and replaced the capitalist society we know with an oppressive communist one. Stalin quickly put many frightening laws into practice, turning America into a dystopian society, where it was difficult for a nice guy to make a living.
Fortunately for us, our hero John was a huge jerk. Everyone hated him. Those wacky communists hated him too. In fact, even I hate him. That creep flippin’ murdered my flippin’ cat. But he is our hero, so his existence is something we all have to live with.
So, George is tired of the worthless filth dump Stalin and his drinking buddies had turned his beautiful country into. He wants to take care of the worthless scum of the earth they were. You see, Larry was the adopted son of Rambo and Chuck Norris, and he inherited their awesome powers. Do not ask me how that works, I am just the author here.
So, Gerald sets off on his stupid quest. He travels to the capitol, Washington JS, which Stalin named after himself since he is a self-centered freak. Eventually, he enters the capitol building, and discovers a frightening adversary sitting behind the "welcome" desk. He is dressed entirely in pink, and he wears a cheesy grin along with his diamond jewelry and swoopy purple hair. Despite Jirard’s best efforts, the man notices him and shouts, "WHATCHA NAAAAAAAAAAAME?!"
Our hero begrudgingly replies, "My name is Jared." The man explains, "My name is Redd White! I used to run a large business, but then I got arrested for killing some lawyer lady and now I am stuck in this worthless job... So, how can i help you?"
"Of course," Billy explains, "I am attempting to overthrow the current communist government. If you could crawl into a corner and die, I could steal your keycard and accomplish my goal." Redd White makes face of mad and replies, "OH YOU ARE A NOYING I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!" "That is fine," Bambi continues, "Since you won't be able to stand when I'm done with you!"
Suddenly, our protagonist pulls out a wicked dagger and throws it at Redd White. He stands up and blocks the attack with a small thinker statue. The knife turns the head and it says, "I think it is 13:74 AM." Redd says, "This most unsplendiferous clock never function correctly! Perhaps it will make a better projectile?!" He throws the clock straight at our hero. It hits him in the face and then the clock clatters uselessly to the floor. The head turns from the impact, and the thinker exclaims, "I think that you are fat." Jones glares at the clock with great fury and shouts, "What did you just say to me you little shiitake mushroom? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals and I have over 300 confirmed kills! You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you out with precision the likes of which has never-" Johnny B. Goode suddenly interrupts himself to perform an epic superstar combo on the thinker clock, punching it over a million times and tearing it to shreds with his bare hands. He then grabs the four mangled pieces and begins throwing the pieces at Redd. Mr. White says, "NO BRO DON’T!"
Then he starts dodging the pieces. Unfortunately, that is useless because the pieces short-circuits on the ground and explode in a gigantic fireball. Redd White blows up and dies dead. Our hero says, "Okie-dokie," and then he takes Redd’s name tag. The tag has a picture of White’s face on it and reads, "Hi, my name is BETTER THAN YOURS." Giriodolo scans the card on the elevator and presses the "10" button. The elevator steadily rises to the tenth floor.
But it never arrives!!!!
TO BE CONTINUED!
((Also, I know that was terrible, but it gets better in the next chapter IMO)
There once was a man named Bob. He grew up on the plains of Georgia in 1955, when the world was under soviet rule for some reason. You see, in a daring move no one expected, Joseph Stalin snuck into America and stole the deed to the country from the current president, Paul Bunyan. So, the entirety of the USA was now controlled by the communists, who quickly took over the whole country and replaced the capitalist society we know with an oppressive communist one. Stalin quickly put many frightening laws into practice, turning America into a dystopian society, where it was difficult for a nice guy to make a living.
Fortunately for us, our hero John was a huge jerk. Everyone hated him. Those wacky communists hated him too. In fact, even I hate him. That creep flippin’ murdered my flippin’ cat. But he is our hero, so his existence is something we all have to live with.
So, George is tired of the worthless filth dump Stalin and his drinking buddies had turned his beautiful country into. He wants to take care of the worthless scum of the earth they were. You see, Larry was the adopted son of Rambo and Chuck Norris, and he inherited their awesome powers. Do not ask me how that works, I am just the author here.
So, Gerald sets off on his stupid quest. He travels to the capitol, Washington JS, which Stalin named after himself since he is a self-centered freak. Eventually, he enters the capitol building, and discovers a frightening adversary sitting behind the "welcome" desk. He is dressed entirely in pink, and he wears a cheesy grin along with his diamond jewelry and swoopy purple hair. Despite Jirard’s best efforts, the man notices him and shouts, "WHATCHA NAAAAAAAAAAAME?!"
Our hero begrudgingly replies, "My name is Jared." The man explains, "My name is Redd White! I used to run a large business, but then I got arrested for killing some lawyer lady and now I am stuck in this worthless job... So, how can i help you?"
"Of course," Billy explains, "I am attempting to overthrow the current communist government. If you could crawl into a corner and die, I could steal your keycard and accomplish my goal." Redd White makes face of mad and replies, "OH YOU ARE A NOYING I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!" "That is fine," Bambi continues, "Since you won't be able to stand when I'm done with you!"
Suddenly, our protagonist pulls out a wicked dagger and throws it at Redd White. He stands up and blocks the attack with a small thinker statue. The knife turns the head and it says, "I think it is 13:74 AM." Redd says, "This most unsplendiferous clock never function correctly! Perhaps it will make a better projectile?!" He throws the clock straight at our hero. It hits him in the face and then the clock clatters uselessly to the floor. The head turns from the impact, and the thinker exclaims, "I think that you are fat." Jones glares at the clock with great fury and shouts, "What did you just say to me you little shiitake mushroom? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals and I have over 300 confirmed kills! You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you out with precision the likes of which has never-" Johnny B. Goode suddenly interrupts himself to perform an epic superstar combo on the thinker clock, punching it over a million times and tearing it to shreds with his bare hands. He then grabs the four mangled pieces and begins throwing the pieces at Redd. Mr. White says, "NO BRO DON’T!"
Then he starts dodging the pieces. Unfortunately, that is useless because the pieces short-circuits on the ground and explode in a gigantic fireball. Redd White blows up and dies dead. Our hero says, "Okie-dokie," and then he takes Redd’s name tag. The tag has a picture of White’s face on it and reads, "Hi, my name is BETTER THAN YOURS." Giriodolo scans the card on the elevator and presses the "10" button. The elevator steadily rises to the tenth floor.
But it never arrives!!!!
TO BE CONTINUED!
((Also, I know that was terrible, but it gets better in the next chapter IMO)
Chapter Two (This one is longer because I did this one entirely on my computer)
CHAPTER TWO
Our hero, Samuel, slowly waited as the elevator carried him higher into Stalin’s shrine. His journey is heralded by a sweet rock remix of Rick Astley’s smash hit, “It’s the Nutshack!”. Sammy is dancing to the song when an explosion happens and a figure bursts into the room. He says, “I am Rumble McSkirmish boyo, and I am gonna Skirmish McRumble your head off a cliff!” Simon says, “What the heck author you literally stole this plot development from yourself!” Rumble replies, “Sometimes you have to live with the scars, in the circle of life!” Suleiman shouts, “If you quote Elton John one more time, I will end you!” The elevator is filled with a deafening silence, and then it is shattered when Rumble mumbles, “Goodbye, yellow brick road.” Our hero lets out a scream of rage, and then shouts back, “That’s it! I’ll tear you to shreds, you worthless son of a biscuit!” He lunged towards Rumble, who barely dodges.
Suddenly, the elevator music switches to a techno-action remix of the Arthur theme song, which was first recorded in 2001 by Michael Jackson. As it turns out, Jackson was a fan of the show for most of his life, and the show inspired many of his hits, such as: “Beat it” and “The Samurai Always Wins”. He even met the one who sang the original. Contrary to popular belief, the original was not sung by Palmy, but by his cousin, an Exeggutor from the Alola region. Palmy merely told his agent about his cousin’s skill. The two later re-recorded Jackson’s cover and performed it during his 2008 world tour. The creators of Arthur enjoyed the new cover so much that they used it twice to replace the theme song on the actual show. They first used it for the Season 13 finale, then used it again on a regular episode as a memorial for Jackson. The original techno cover and the duet performed in 2008 were both included as extras on the Season 13 DVD, along with a never-before-seen interview with Jackson himself. In the interview, Jackson expressed an interest in guest-starring on an episode of Arthur, and he finally got his chance when he voiced Malcolm Jacobs, a musician who visited Elmore in the episode “Arthur Meets a Superstar”, shortly before Jackson’s death.
With this great song backing their fight, Samuel and Rumble begin their epic battle. Rumble slams Steven into the doors of the elevator, and it hurts a lot because it hurts him inside and outside. In retaliation, our hero slams Rumble into the side of the elevator, pushing like a billion of the buttons. The elevator is too “damaged” to move to any of the other floors, but it does call for help from an emergency crew and open the elevator doors. The doors are on Floor 4 by this point, and on the other side is a packed office building. An Elsen stands on the other side of the doors, and wonders why two people are fighting in the elevator. He doesn't get to wonder very long though, because once Sue notices him standing there, he punches the Elsen in the face. The Elsen flies really far back, crashes into some cubicles, and explodes. After admiring his handiwork, Salvador shouts, “Get rekt, mate!” at the chaos outside, and then mashes the Close Door button. The elevator continues, desperately trying to reach Floor 10.
Rumble is getting pretty desperate even though the battle has only been going on for fifteen seconds. He shouts, “Get ready to face my SPECIAL MOVE!” He shoots an energy blast at Steve, who barely dodges it by grabbing Rumble and banging his head against the energy blast. Rumble shouts, “OW! How is that even physically possible?!” Stephen retorts, “How are you even physically possible?” Rumble says, “Touché”. Then he uppercuts Satchel in the jaw. The force of the blow knocks him upwards and through the roof above. Our hero flies all the way to the top floor of the elevator, falls back down again, hits the ground, and dies instantly. He recovers quickly, climbing the nearby maintenance ladder in an attempt to reach his destination.
Rumble won’t let that happen. He jumps through the hole, and starts wall jumping up the elevator shaft. Sean climbs as fast as he can, but Rumble is quickly approaching from below. Once Rumble reaches a point directly behind our hero, he uses a spinning kick and starts floating towards Sebastian. The latter shouts, “DUDE, STOP!” and kicks Rumble in the face. Rumble screams like a little girl and hits the wall with a resounding clang. Seeing that he’s distracted, Seth jumps off the ladder and latches onto him in mid-air. The two fall back through the roof and into the elevator, with Rumble crashing to the floor on his back with the protagonist on top of him. Scott begins punching Rumble in the face over and over again. The poor brawler is pummeled with punishing blows all across his body. However, McSkirmish won’t give up. He manages to grab Seamus by the neck, stopping his assault. Then he manages to get back on his feet, and push our hero against the wall, still choking him. As much as he struggles Shane is unable to break Rumble's grip on his throat! He begins running out of air to breathe! Is this the end for our hero?
Suddenly, a man bursts through the elevator doors somehow. A lot of smoke comes through the door too and you see his shadow on the other side like they do in the movies. The mysterious man says, “Did somebody call a fireman?” The man steps through the smoke, revealing himself to be a cartoony, young man wearing a blue firefighter outfit with yellow pants and a yellow helmet. Underneath the helmet, you can just barely see reddish-brown hair. The man is holding an industrial fire hose, which appears to be emerging from a hole in the space-time continuum. The man says, “Sorry, I’m late. It’s a long flight here from Pontypandy, and I had to save Norman Price from a Flock of Seagulls on the way here.” Spencer replied, “Those must have been some huge birds to try to carry a young boy away...” The firefighter replies, “What? No! I mean the band ‘Flock of Seagulls’! They tried to sell the boy junk food on the plane! But I put a stop to that! Now he can enjoy a wonderful, cold salad on the way back home.” Rumble McSkirmish shouts, “What is this nonsense?! Who even are you?!” The man explains, “My name is Fireman Sam, and I’m the hero next door. You see, when I hear the fire alarm, I am always cool and calm. If you’re stuck give me a shout! I’ll be there to help you out! Anyway, what seems to be the problem?” Rumble quickly explains, “This guy was stuck in the elevator, and then I came and tried to kill him.” Fireman Sam informs, “How dare you! You should know that murder is illegal in a vast majority of our world’s countries, and as a humble servant of the law, I’m going to have to beat you up and arrest you for it.” Rumble mumbles, “Oh shucky darns.” The fireman aims his hose directly at the fighter guys and shouts, “Move aside, make way! It’s Fireman Sam!”
Fireman Sam shoots his fire hose directly at Rumble. It hits him in the face, knocking him far away into the far wall which he smacks into and and slides down like they do in those old slapstick cartoons from 1765. By the time Rumble gets back up, Fireman Sam is about to fire again. He opens his mouth, hoping to eat the water. This fails, resulting in similar results. Rumble refuses to give up. He rises once more, and attempts to eat Fireman Sam. This fails horribly. Fireman Sam shoots the firehose inside his mouth and he almost drowns like the kid from that book about the five Chinese brothers. Then he gets thrown against the wall again, just to nail in this story’s predictability. Rumble stands up and screams, “This is stupid and pointless! I will finish this battle now, before I lose my sanity!” He then grabs Fireman Sam by the throat, and lifts him into the air, attempting to choke him. Sam’s hose clatters to the floor, as Sam tries to fight back with his bare hands. Unfortunately, Rumble is too strong, and he quickly begins gasping for air.
Shawn knows that he has to act fast. He runs towards the two with his arms flailing about. As he attempts to cross the elevator, he assesses the situation. He quickly notices the discarded fire hose, and leaps the remaining distance to reach it. Once he is there, Shaun snatches the hose and stands back up. Poor old Rumble doesn’t even notice him until Sheldon shoves the hose right up against his neck. Rumble, his eyes full of fear, turns to look at the protagonist. He is even more horrified by what he sees. Stanley’s eyes are a raging inferno as he glares directly at Rumble, his face irrefutable proof that he would not show any mercy. He sort of sneezes in the middle, which kinda ruins the moment though. But trust me, it is still pretty dang spooktacular! Finally, Stewart reaches up and grabs the plunger thing you use to fire the hose which I’m fairly certain exists and snaps, “Well, it looks like it's GAME OVER for you!” Rumble bursts into tears both at the bad outlook of the situation and at the lameness of that one-liner. A second later, Stew fires the hose. The stream of water hits Rumble in the face, and shoots him up through the exit hatch, breaking through the roof of the building, blasting him up into space, and finally landing him onto the surface of the Moon. Rumble McSkirmish is now on the Moon. He stands up, shakes his fist in the air, and angrily shouts, “CURSE YOU, SAM, AND CURSE FIREMAN SAM TOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
Back in the capitol building elevator, our hero and Fireman Sam are having an amazing conversation. Fireman Sam says something along the lines of, “Good luck on the rest of your journey, my friend. And remember, if you’re ever stuck, just give me a shout! Fireman Sam and all my crew will be there to rescue you.” Scotty replies, “Just get out of here, this chapter has gone on long enough. ”Oh, ok,” Fireman Sam responds, “But I’d get out of this elevator if I were you. That battle has destroyed it completely, and I think it may be stuck on the 7th floor forever. If you want to get to Floor 10, you should probably get out here and then take the stairs the rest of the way.” Seymour asks, “This is the capitol building of Washington JS. Shouldn’t it have more than one elevator?” Fireman Sam explains, “You’re right, it should. But, I destroyed the other elevator for plot purposes.” Skipper lets out a long, suffering sigh. Then he exclaims, “Alright, fine. If you insist. How are you going to get out of here though?” “Oh, I’ll simply-” Sam explains, before he disappears in a bright flash of light. “Ok, thanks,” Stevie replies. Then, he presses the Open Door button. And, with a loud groaning noise comparable to the one I make when the teacher assigns a group project, the elevator doors slowly open, revealing Floor 7. At the moment, all that Sherwin can see is a boring grey hallway, which continues forward a little bit before turning right. He exits the elevator, and looks to the nearby wall, which shows the location of the nearest stairwell. And so, our hero embarks on his quest to get to the staircase and make his way to Joseph Stalin’s office. Will he reach the staircase in time? Will he discover more enemies on the way? Can he reach the tenth floor? Can he succeed at his quest? Is he ready to start his revolution? Is he ready to start HIS LIFE?
Write that down...
Because yes,
it will be on the test!
<----TO BE CONTINUED |\|/
Our hero, Samuel, slowly waited as the elevator carried him higher into Stalin’s shrine. His journey is heralded by a sweet rock remix of Rick Astley’s smash hit, “It’s the Nutshack!”. Sammy is dancing to the song when an explosion happens and a figure bursts into the room. He says, “I am Rumble McSkirmish boyo, and I am gonna Skirmish McRumble your head off a cliff!” Simon says, “What the heck author you literally stole this plot development from yourself!” Rumble replies, “Sometimes you have to live with the scars, in the circle of life!” Suleiman shouts, “If you quote Elton John one more time, I will end you!” The elevator is filled with a deafening silence, and then it is shattered when Rumble mumbles, “Goodbye, yellow brick road.” Our hero lets out a scream of rage, and then shouts back, “That’s it! I’ll tear you to shreds, you worthless son of a biscuit!” He lunged towards Rumble, who barely dodges.
Suddenly, the elevator music switches to a techno-action remix of the Arthur theme song, which was first recorded in 2001 by Michael Jackson. As it turns out, Jackson was a fan of the show for most of his life, and the show inspired many of his hits, such as: “Beat it” and “The Samurai Always Wins”. He even met the one who sang the original. Contrary to popular belief, the original was not sung by Palmy, but by his cousin, an Exeggutor from the Alola region. Palmy merely told his agent about his cousin’s skill. The two later re-recorded Jackson’s cover and performed it during his 2008 world tour. The creators of Arthur enjoyed the new cover so much that they used it twice to replace the theme song on the actual show. They first used it for the Season 13 finale, then used it again on a regular episode as a memorial for Jackson. The original techno cover and the duet performed in 2008 were both included as extras on the Season 13 DVD, along with a never-before-seen interview with Jackson himself. In the interview, Jackson expressed an interest in guest-starring on an episode of Arthur, and he finally got his chance when he voiced Malcolm Jacobs, a musician who visited Elmore in the episode “Arthur Meets a Superstar”, shortly before Jackson’s death.
With this great song backing their fight, Samuel and Rumble begin their epic battle. Rumble slams Steven into the doors of the elevator, and it hurts a lot because it hurts him inside and outside. In retaliation, our hero slams Rumble into the side of the elevator, pushing like a billion of the buttons. The elevator is too “damaged” to move to any of the other floors, but it does call for help from an emergency crew and open the elevator doors. The doors are on Floor 4 by this point, and on the other side is a packed office building. An Elsen stands on the other side of the doors, and wonders why two people are fighting in the elevator. He doesn't get to wonder very long though, because once Sue notices him standing there, he punches the Elsen in the face. The Elsen flies really far back, crashes into some cubicles, and explodes. After admiring his handiwork, Salvador shouts, “Get rekt, mate!” at the chaos outside, and then mashes the Close Door button. The elevator continues, desperately trying to reach Floor 10.
Rumble is getting pretty desperate even though the battle has only been going on for fifteen seconds. He shouts, “Get ready to face my SPECIAL MOVE!” He shoots an energy blast at Steve, who barely dodges it by grabbing Rumble and banging his head against the energy blast. Rumble shouts, “OW! How is that even physically possible?!” Stephen retorts, “How are you even physically possible?” Rumble says, “Touché”. Then he uppercuts Satchel in the jaw. The force of the blow knocks him upwards and through the roof above. Our hero flies all the way to the top floor of the elevator, falls back down again, hits the ground, and dies instantly. He recovers quickly, climbing the nearby maintenance ladder in an attempt to reach his destination.
Rumble won’t let that happen. He jumps through the hole, and starts wall jumping up the elevator shaft. Sean climbs as fast as he can, but Rumble is quickly approaching from below. Once Rumble reaches a point directly behind our hero, he uses a spinning kick and starts floating towards Sebastian. The latter shouts, “DUDE, STOP!” and kicks Rumble in the face. Rumble screams like a little girl and hits the wall with a resounding clang. Seeing that he’s distracted, Seth jumps off the ladder and latches onto him in mid-air. The two fall back through the roof and into the elevator, with Rumble crashing to the floor on his back with the protagonist on top of him. Scott begins punching Rumble in the face over and over again. The poor brawler is pummeled with punishing blows all across his body. However, McSkirmish won’t give up. He manages to grab Seamus by the neck, stopping his assault. Then he manages to get back on his feet, and push our hero against the wall, still choking him. As much as he struggles Shane is unable to break Rumble's grip on his throat! He begins running out of air to breathe! Is this the end for our hero?
Suddenly, a man bursts through the elevator doors somehow. A lot of smoke comes through the door too and you see his shadow on the other side like they do in the movies. The mysterious man says, “Did somebody call a fireman?” The man steps through the smoke, revealing himself to be a cartoony, young man wearing a blue firefighter outfit with yellow pants and a yellow helmet. Underneath the helmet, you can just barely see reddish-brown hair. The man is holding an industrial fire hose, which appears to be emerging from a hole in the space-time continuum. The man says, “Sorry, I’m late. It’s a long flight here from Pontypandy, and I had to save Norman Price from a Flock of Seagulls on the way here.” Spencer replied, “Those must have been some huge birds to try to carry a young boy away...” The firefighter replies, “What? No! I mean the band ‘Flock of Seagulls’! They tried to sell the boy junk food on the plane! But I put a stop to that! Now he can enjoy a wonderful, cold salad on the way back home.” Rumble McSkirmish shouts, “What is this nonsense?! Who even are you?!” The man explains, “My name is Fireman Sam, and I’m the hero next door. You see, when I hear the fire alarm, I am always cool and calm. If you’re stuck give me a shout! I’ll be there to help you out! Anyway, what seems to be the problem?” Rumble quickly explains, “This guy was stuck in the elevator, and then I came and tried to kill him.” Fireman Sam informs, “How dare you! You should know that murder is illegal in a vast majority of our world’s countries, and as a humble servant of the law, I’m going to have to beat you up and arrest you for it.” Rumble mumbles, “Oh shucky darns.” The fireman aims his hose directly at the fighter guys and shouts, “Move aside, make way! It’s Fireman Sam!”
Fireman Sam shoots his fire hose directly at Rumble. It hits him in the face, knocking him far away into the far wall which he smacks into and and slides down like they do in those old slapstick cartoons from 1765. By the time Rumble gets back up, Fireman Sam is about to fire again. He opens his mouth, hoping to eat the water. This fails, resulting in similar results. Rumble refuses to give up. He rises once more, and attempts to eat Fireman Sam. This fails horribly. Fireman Sam shoots the firehose inside his mouth and he almost drowns like the kid from that book about the five Chinese brothers. Then he gets thrown against the wall again, just to nail in this story’s predictability. Rumble stands up and screams, “This is stupid and pointless! I will finish this battle now, before I lose my sanity!” He then grabs Fireman Sam by the throat, and lifts him into the air, attempting to choke him. Sam’s hose clatters to the floor, as Sam tries to fight back with his bare hands. Unfortunately, Rumble is too strong, and he quickly begins gasping for air.
Shawn knows that he has to act fast. He runs towards the two with his arms flailing about. As he attempts to cross the elevator, he assesses the situation. He quickly notices the discarded fire hose, and leaps the remaining distance to reach it. Once he is there, Shaun snatches the hose and stands back up. Poor old Rumble doesn’t even notice him until Sheldon shoves the hose right up against his neck. Rumble, his eyes full of fear, turns to look at the protagonist. He is even more horrified by what he sees. Stanley’s eyes are a raging inferno as he glares directly at Rumble, his face irrefutable proof that he would not show any mercy. He sort of sneezes in the middle, which kinda ruins the moment though. But trust me, it is still pretty dang spooktacular! Finally, Stewart reaches up and grabs the plunger thing you use to fire the hose which I’m fairly certain exists and snaps, “Well, it looks like it's GAME OVER for you!” Rumble bursts into tears both at the bad outlook of the situation and at the lameness of that one-liner. A second later, Stew fires the hose. The stream of water hits Rumble in the face, and shoots him up through the exit hatch, breaking through the roof of the building, blasting him up into space, and finally landing him onto the surface of the Moon. Rumble McSkirmish is now on the Moon. He stands up, shakes his fist in the air, and angrily shouts, “CURSE YOU, SAM, AND CURSE FIREMAN SAM TOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
Back in the capitol building elevator, our hero and Fireman Sam are having an amazing conversation. Fireman Sam says something along the lines of, “Good luck on the rest of your journey, my friend. And remember, if you’re ever stuck, just give me a shout! Fireman Sam and all my crew will be there to rescue you.” Scotty replies, “Just get out of here, this chapter has gone on long enough. ”Oh, ok,” Fireman Sam responds, “But I’d get out of this elevator if I were you. That battle has destroyed it completely, and I think it may be stuck on the 7th floor forever. If you want to get to Floor 10, you should probably get out here and then take the stairs the rest of the way.” Seymour asks, “This is the capitol building of Washington JS. Shouldn’t it have more than one elevator?” Fireman Sam explains, “You’re right, it should. But, I destroyed the other elevator for plot purposes.” Skipper lets out a long, suffering sigh. Then he exclaims, “Alright, fine. If you insist. How are you going to get out of here though?” “Oh, I’ll simply-” Sam explains, before he disappears in a bright flash of light. “Ok, thanks,” Stevie replies. Then, he presses the Open Door button. And, with a loud groaning noise comparable to the one I make when the teacher assigns a group project, the elevator doors slowly open, revealing Floor 7. At the moment, all that Sherwin can see is a boring grey hallway, which continues forward a little bit before turning right. He exits the elevator, and looks to the nearby wall, which shows the location of the nearest stairwell. And so, our hero embarks on his quest to get to the staircase and make his way to Joseph Stalin’s office. Will he reach the staircase in time? Will he discover more enemies on the way? Can he reach the tenth floor? Can he succeed at his quest? Is he ready to start his revolution? Is he ready to start HIS LIFE?
Write that down...
Because yes,
it will be on the test!
<----TO BE CONTINUED |\|/
Coming Soon on WORST: Our hero gains a powerful new ally, and faces his most dangerous (and annoying) adversary yet!
