Post by Kiptoke on Jun 14, 2016 18:22:37 GMT -5
note: This is my attempt to edit a Monty Python Skit (Conquistador Coffee Campaign) into something about #kun. All jokes inside are part of the original skit, with some words edited. None of the jokes mentioned here are of my own creation or opinion. Here is the original skit: Conquistador Coffee Campaign - Monty Python's The Flying Circus
(Keeby's Office - The Keeby's User Notes Offices. Keeby is reading a book, 'How to Talk To People'. He tries out a saying a few sentences. There is a knock at the door.)
Keeby: Come in. (Kiptoke comes in through the window.) Ah, Kitpoke.
Kiptoke: Kiptoke, sir.
Keeby: Shut up, I want to have a word with you, Kitpoke.
Kiptoke: Kiptoke, sir.
Keeby: Shut up. It's about your advertising campaign for our company. Now, I've had Scraggy to see me this morning and he's very unhappy with your campaign. Very unhappy. In fact, he's shot himself.
Kiptoke: Badly, sir?
Keeby: No, extremely well. (lifts up a leg belonging to Scraggy behind desk, and holds up a card saying 'Joke') Well, before he went he left a note with Mouser (opens a nearby door; a dead Mouser falls out), the effect of which was how disappointed he was with your work and, in particular, why you had changed the name from Keeby's User Notes to Keeby's Spam, Copy-pasta, and Meme Notes. Why, Kitpoke?
Kiptoke: Kiptoke, sir.
Keeby: Shut up. Why did you do it?
Kiptoke: It was a joke.
Keeby: A joke? (holds up card saying 'Joke')
Kiptoke: No, no not a joke, a sales campaign. (holds up a card saying 'No, a Sales Campaign)
Keeby: I see, Kitpoke.
Kiptoke: Kiptoke, sir.
Keeby: Shut up. Now, let's have a look at the sales chart. (indicates a plummeting sales graph) When you took over this account Kiptoke, #kun was a brand leader. Here you introduced your first campaign, '#kun users will consistently spam you with bad memes and copy-pasta'. Here you made your special introductory offer of a free private message spam for every new user, and this followed your second campaign 'the dank memes and copy-pasta which brings you exciting new cholera, mange, dropsy, the clap, hard pad and athlete's head. From the User Notes of Keeby'.
Kiptoke: It was a soft-sell, sir.
Keeby: Why, Kitpoke?
Kiptoke: Kiptoke, sir.
Keeby: Shut up! Well?
Kiptoke: Well, people know the name, sir.
Keeby: They certainly do know the name, they burnt the servers down. Asphoxia is hiding in my bathroom (shot heard) - Asphoxia was hiding in my bathroom. (holds up 'Joke' card again)
Kiptoke: You're not going to fire me, sir?
Keeby: Fire you? Three people dead, the servers burnt down, the Discord a total mess and our firm completely bankrupt, what... what... what... can you possibly say? What excuse can you possibly make?
Kiptoke: Sorry, father. (holds up the 'Joke' card)
Keeby: Oh, yes. Oh, incidentally your film's won a prize. (He opens a Venetian blind on the window to reveal the film: a video of the #kun discord server. Panning shot of copypasta and bot spam, Steven Universe memes are seen everywhere. The John Cena theme and air-horns are heard. Suddenly the music sticks, and keeps repeating one phrase.)
(Keeby's Office - The Keeby's User Notes Offices. Keeby is reading a book, 'How to Talk To People'. He tries out a saying a few sentences. There is a knock at the door.)
Keeby: Come in. (Kiptoke comes in through the window.) Ah, Kitpoke.
Kiptoke: Kiptoke, sir.
Keeby: Shut up, I want to have a word with you, Kitpoke.
Kiptoke: Kiptoke, sir.
Keeby: Shut up. It's about your advertising campaign for our company. Now, I've had Scraggy to see me this morning and he's very unhappy with your campaign. Very unhappy. In fact, he's shot himself.
Kiptoke: Badly, sir?
Keeby: No, extremely well. (lifts up a leg belonging to Scraggy behind desk, and holds up a card saying 'Joke') Well, before he went he left a note with Mouser (opens a nearby door; a dead Mouser falls out), the effect of which was how disappointed he was with your work and, in particular, why you had changed the name from Keeby's User Notes to Keeby's Spam, Copy-pasta, and Meme Notes. Why, Kitpoke?
Kiptoke: Kiptoke, sir.
Keeby: Shut up. Why did you do it?
Kiptoke: It was a joke.
Keeby: A joke? (holds up card saying 'Joke')
Kiptoke: No, no not a joke, a sales campaign. (holds up a card saying 'No, a Sales Campaign)
Keeby: I see, Kitpoke.
Kiptoke: Kiptoke, sir.
Keeby: Shut up. Now, let's have a look at the sales chart. (indicates a plummeting sales graph) When you took over this account Kiptoke, #kun was a brand leader. Here you introduced your first campaign, '#kun users will consistently spam you with bad memes and copy-pasta'. Here you made your special introductory offer of a free private message spam for every new user, and this followed your second campaign 'the dank memes and copy-pasta which brings you exciting new cholera, mange, dropsy, the clap, hard pad and athlete's head. From the User Notes of Keeby'.
Kiptoke: It was a soft-sell, sir.
Keeby: Why, Kitpoke?
Kiptoke: Kiptoke, sir.
Keeby: Shut up! Well?
Kiptoke: Well, people know the name, sir.
Keeby: They certainly do know the name, they burnt the servers down. Asphoxia is hiding in my bathroom (shot heard) - Asphoxia was hiding in my bathroom. (holds up 'Joke' card again)
Kiptoke: You're not going to fire me, sir?
Keeby: Fire you? Three people dead, the servers burnt down, the Discord a total mess and our firm completely bankrupt, what... what... what... can you possibly say? What excuse can you possibly make?
Kiptoke: Sorry, father. (holds up the 'Joke' card)
Keeby: Oh, yes. Oh, incidentally your film's won a prize. (He opens a Venetian blind on the window to reveal the film: a video of the #kun discord server. Panning shot of copypasta and bot spam, Steven Universe memes are seen everywhere. The John Cena theme and air-horns are heard. Suddenly the music sticks, and keeps repeating one phrase.)
